A doctor, a Sunday night and a very random story.

If this isn't me😂

I hate hospitals. I hate pills. I hate(I’m terrified of) injections😭 I like funny doctors though, like actual funny ones who make you laugh and forget you’re nervous and terrified that he’ll give you an injection on the butt and make you cry like a little girl.

Doctors who don’t even try to be funny. They do it effortlessy (also, they probably do stand up comedy in a dingy bar on Sunday nights and draw out a big crowd of people in their forties going through mid-life crises). Those are my favourite kind of doctors.

Lately I’ve been falling ill often. Bacteria and viruses just won’t let me rest. So I’m sitting in the waiting room of my school Health Unit on a Sunday night waiting for the doctor.

Mosquitoes too aren’t letting me rest. They’re feasting on my legs😢

I’m hoping this doctor is one of them. He just walked in and he has a potbelly and a mustache. That’s a good sign, right? I think that kitambi backs up my theory of him going to dingy bars on Sunday nights. He looks like a beer guy. Beer guys are funny, right?

He just called me in. But he pronunced my name as ‘Teiii” like tei for pombe. Yaani he’s in such a hurry to go out to that bar and meet his people that he sees my name as pombe.

He leaves me in his office for a moment. More mosquitoes. His stethoscope is on the table ptactically just begging me to pick it up and check my heartbeat but I decide not to because my reflexes are slow at the moment and he will definitely catch me. I’m not ready to explain myself out of a situation like that.

I was so tempted to ask him, “So, do you ever do stand up?” But I restrain myself. Let him take his time. Good comedy takes time. His office is so dull.

There’s a bible on his shelf. It looks sooo new and unopened. So he doesn’t read the Bible either? I was really looking forward to the ‘Moses jokes’😣

He gets back and diagnoses me. I have to go to the lab to get a blood test.

Aki this guy wasn’t funny😢 His kitambi and mustache are all hype and no show. His wife should make him go to the gym and shave that mustache. What a dissappointment!

Okay, honestly, I am scared. Bloodtests equal injections. The guy who is taking my blood is flirting with me or trying to. What’s wrong with him??? I am sick and nervous and he wants to know why he never sees me around? First of all, just cut to the chase and take my blood. Second, he was probably making small talk, which I still hate, because I looked terrified.

He takes my blood, I wince a little then I wait for a while for the results. He sends me back to the doctor.

“So whats wrong with me doc?”

“Malaria.” Thats all he says, no mosquito jokes, no nothing. He prescribes me pills to pick up at the pharmacy.

I can’t hold it in anymore, I have to ask him.

“So, are you a beer guy?”

“Excuse me?”

“Is beer your prefered drink?”

He looks at me skeptically, laughs and says yes.

Great. There is still hope for him. Maybe he is going through a comedian’s block. You know? Like a writer’s block for comedians. I totally made that up. A dryspell. Did I just say that?😂😂😂

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Taking Stock 3.

It’s been two months since my last post. My biggest excuse is that I’ve been busy with school. My actual excuse is that I was stuck in a rut. I still kinda am.

But so many people have been asking me if I have any new content and that’s challenged me so much. Its time to get back on the wagon and I thought I’d start with taking stock :

Amazed at how many people actually read my blog(like every post) and appreciate the content I put out. You guys are the realest❤

Appreciating everyone who shares my sense of humor, music and art, and everyone who challenges me to produce awesome content and love to read my posts🙏

Being still and kmowing that He is God.

Craving clarity and closure, as always, because I find it hard to progress without these.

Crushing on everyone with healthy dreadlocks.

Considering dyeing my dreadlocks. Still haven’t decided on a colour though, any suggestions?

Dreaming about a vacay.

Denying the title Slay Queen and blocking anyone who calls me that. I’m not playing. This is a story for another day though.

Drinking fanta passion a lot😍

Eating healthy, I think.

Excited about the holidays☺

Feeling absolutely grateful for how far we’ve come this year.

Focusing on me more❤

Jamming to this song Suited by Shekinah from South Africa. I swear this song gives me soulful vibes🙌

Keeping a cool head even when I am so upset I could stab someone with a pencil.

Listening to this podcast called Call Your Girlfriend by Ann Friedman and Aminatou Sow. These girls are bomb!

Learning to walk away from things that give me grief even though I love them.

Loving the woman I have become in 2017❤

Making a neon green mat for a cute little puppy called Sunny.

Missing 105.5 X fm so much 😭 Haishiki huku penye niko.

Needing too much attention I’m practically an infant.

Owning my feelings and my mistakes.

Obsessed with wallpapers I get from Pinterest😍 Contact me if intetested.

Procrastinating EVERYTHING I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Reading uuum does reading the ingredients to food supplies count as reading? No? Okay then, how about textbooks and notes?

Smiling from little things like remembering crazy situations I’ve been in this past months ☺

Slaying my goals and resolutions for this year and I am so damn proud.

Treating myself often because I deserve it. Pedis, manis, candy, you name it.

Writing too many love stories.

Waiting naah I’m done waiting! If it matters to me I’m going ahead to pursue it and so should you.

Wanting inner peace and general peace for the Country✌

I’m working on this week’s posts and I hope you like them. Suggestions on what you’d like me to write about are also welcome😃 Just leave me a comment here or connect with me on:

Email- selinateyie@gmail.com

Facebook- Selina Teyie

Instagram- @selina_teyie

Twitter- @SelinaTeyie

Nice day peeps✌

Embrace the uncertainty.

Calvin is right😂😂


I met up with my bestie (Diana) from high school this  weekend to do some catching up. It was a lot of fun. She also runs a fashion blog at herorielcloset.wordpress.com , check her out 😃
We reminisced and talked about our current lives and our plans for the future and boys😂 and pretty much everything we could think of. Especially navigating life in our twenties and how our lives could be made into a sitcom😂

The main similarity between us was the level of uncertainty we had about life. Are we doing it right? Should we have figured it out by now or when are we supposed to have figured it out? Basically, we don’t know what we are doing but it’s okay. 

For me, the challenge I’ve encountered as an adult in this modern age is money and believing in my art. They are interconnected so much. I need money to further my art and I need my art to make money. It sucks sometimes but we have to manage.

We’re young, without stable incomes, probably depending on our parents, in school working our butts off, paying bills (with money from our parents😂), maintaining our social lives, paying taxes and basically getting used to being grown ups and it is hectic.

We need to take a break and take it easy on ourselves. One day, we will probably have it figured out (though this is very unlikely, lol). In the meantime, have fun. Embrace the uncertainty. Climb mountains and rooftops (Diana and I went to the top of the KICC – fun times😍), go out more, love yourself, meet new people and enjoy your twenties as much as possible.

I was reading bikozulu last year and I came across a comment that I loved so much. I had to screenshot it because it was sooo good. It said:

I think the biggest shock we get as adults are the truths no one ever really told us about:

That things will not always go our way, that the world owes you nothing (it was here first), you will not always be loved back, sometimes love just fades or it is not enough and that’s okay, that horrible things happen to good people, that to be human is to be flawed and no one has figured it out….

Take that as advice as we begin this week and as September draws near and school opens.
Connect with me😃

Facebook: Selina Teyie.

Facebook Page: The Tess Chronicles. 

Twitter: @SelinaTeyie

Instagram: @selina_teyie

Email: selinateyie@gmail.com

Departure.

Give me an audience

I beg you

I want your audience

I need you

To hear me

Like I need the sun in the morning

To give me light

To shine a light in my dark life

To illuminate my dark insides

My dark thoughts that arose

After your unexplained departure.

I need you

To let me know

Was it my flaws that let you 

Let me go?

That you couldn’t go to war anymore?

To fight for you and me and our

Forevermore?

But

You turned me down

Time after time after time

Slammed the door on my face

Made me feel damned,

Wretched, a disgrace

Unworthy to claim a place

In your heart.

So I Left

Locked myself in a room

As dark as my thoughts

And I looked for a way out

A way up

I slit my wrists and I bled  -Words

These words you denied me then

And I grew lighter

And lighter

Rose higher 

And higher

Felt a great euphoria

I bled till I ran out of thoughts

These dark thoughts of you

That arose

After your departure.

By  TheQueerPoet ✌
According to me, this poem is about seeking closure after a major unexpected change has occurred in a person’s life. I am a big believer in the role closure plays in moving  on but sometimes, we can’t be given closure. We have to get it on our own and move on.

What do you guys think this ‘poem’ (I hope it can be classified that way) is about? Let me know in the comments ☺

Awesome weekend peeps☺

Flirting 101. 

People who can’t take hints are sad honestly.


(How to flirt according to a girl who rarely flirts and probably does it awkwardly when she does.)

Long post ahead..

Ah, flirting. The subtle but sometimes obvious art of trying to impress the object of your attraction (that is, according to me).

I was recently in a ‘flirting situation’ that got me really frustrated because it was so wrong. Infact, it got me so angry I blocked this person of interest (P.O.I). This was not the first time someone flirted wrong with me, it happens often. I do it wrong too sometimes.

Flirting is fun, when done well and not too much because nobody likes a constant flirt.

We flirt using words, body language, facial expressions and so much more. In the case of our generation, we flirt through texts mostly. Simply put, flirting is kuingizana box or at least trying to.

This is how it should be done (according to me and my odd judgment):

  1. Body language. 

It’s important to involve body language while flirting with someone. (This means you’ll have to meet face to face by the way so shy people😂 master a little courage yeah?)

Use your hands and not in a creepy way. Groping👏 is👏 not👏 flirting👏 You will get arrested my friend. Just lightly place your hand on your P.O.I’s hand or other appropriate place when laughing, or offer to brush something of their face even if it’s imaginary. Just let them know you’re there and you notice them.

Also notice more subtle things like when a girl keeps touching her hair or yours (I’ve actually done that before ,lol).

Studies show that when a person is interested in you, their toes will automatically point towards you when they talk to you so keep a look out for toes too😃

When I flirt, I use my hands as body language a lot and sometimes it backfires. Once a guy asked me outright, “why do you keep touching your hair?” I couldn’t reply, it was too embarrassing. I also touch them ‘accidentally’ when laughing and I’m a hugger so watch out.

You should also read negative body language as well. Sometimes people just don’t want to flirt with you and that’s okay. Don’t push it. Just walk away (and live to fight another day).

        2. Facial expressions.

I’m told that I have an intense stare. It’s mostly intense when I’m not wearing my glasses. The thing is, I like to read people. 

By maintaining eye contact with someone, I’m able to see their intentions, tell if they are lying, internalize how cute they actually are (lol) and tell what emotions they are currently feeling by reading their facial expressions.

You want your P.O.I to see that you are a cool, fun, happy person so keep your expressions like that. Smile honestly, laugh for goodness sake. Even if you don’t smile a lot or laugh often, you want to put your best foot forward here.

Don’t give off serial killer vibes please.

I also appreciate eye contact from my P.O.I.  I understand that I have a great dashboard but my eyes are on my face. If you keep avoiding my eye contact for too long, I’ll feel like you’re hiding something. Shy guys, what’s good?😉

Though scientists discovered that men who don’t smile often appear more attractive than those who do (and I agree), what’s up with that?

I also have what scientists call a ‘resting bitch face’. Yes, it’s a real thing. Basically it means that my neutral facial expression appears like I’m angry or judging someone or I never ever smile or I could be a serial killer?

So when I’m flirting, I leave my ‘resting bitch face’ at home😊

  3. Words.

This is where things get tricky. Words are very crucial when flirting. Be it in person, through texts or over a phone call, you have to use the right words. No pressure.

As a writer, I ace at words and unfortunately for my P.O.I, I expect great words. I’m talking great face to face conversations, great texting and not so awkward phone calls.

It’s such high expectations that see me get frustrated and block people mercilessly. 

You are trying to impress a millennial girl in the 21st century not the middle ages. If you tell me you are in love with me and you don’t even know my second name, best believe that I will block you, delete your number and change my route home to avoid bumping into you.

Don’t come off too strong. Be as subtle and cunning with your approach as possible.

Also, don’t text me in English if you can’t handle it. Kiswahili will do. Just be yourself and I will adjust my expectations so we can be on the same level (I know I sound like an asshole but I am very serious). Authenticity is key. Be you.

If you have to change the way you usually communicate in real life to flirt with someone then you are probably doing it wrong.

Be witty. Make your P.O.I  laugh and you are on the right track. Once, this guy followed me around for four days straight before I gave him my number. I walk really fast when I have to get somewhere so he just kept running beside me, talking endlessly and I found it annoying but funny.

 I just asked him, “why do you keep following me?” He laughed and said he wanted to get my number.

Another guy found me in a queue for chapatis in our estate (on election day, when all shops were closed) and he queued behind me. Then he asks, “Hii ni line ya nini?” I tell him it’s for chapatis and look at him like he’s crazy. So he says to me, “oooh, nilikuona tu nikakufuata and I didn’t know why we were queueing.”  He actually had a loaf bread in his hand. I laughed too much than I probably should have.
So with all these rules and expectations in our generation today, flirting seems so hard and complicated and if you are socially awkward (like me, believe it or not), it can sound like rocket science.

But it is an art and like an artist, one has to keep practicing to perfect their art. Of course some people are born naturals (who are these creatures though?) while some of us have to work real hard at it.

A great flirting technique can score you a number or better, a date. So it’s actually kind of a big deal. You do not want to flirt the wrong way. 

I am not an expert but I find that some of these tips always work.

I hope the guy I blocked doesn’t read my blog. If you do, please don’t think I’m a monster. An asshole maybe. And please don’t sue me, gosh! I can’t afford a lawyer yet, give me 5 years from now.

To my potential P.O.Is , if you were reading, I hope you were taking notes.

Don’t get too comfortable.

This image is just too deep for words

You need to learn to not get too comfortable. Life is dynamic and when change comes along, we need to also move along lest we get left behind – Tess ♛

That’s a new saying I conjured up lately. It’s going into the book ,”Tess’ Wise Sayings.”

I’m not feeling wise though at the moment because I am stubborn. I am a stubborn girl and two things keep me back:

  1. Change scares me.
  2. My comfort zone is just oh so comfy, gosh!

    Change is a major thing for a human being. It happens so often in our lives. Slowly or in the blink of an eye. It’s either a good change or a bad change but it is inevitable.

    It’s always scared me from the time I was a kid. I would come home from school, when I was 5 or 6, to find my mum moved my stuff from where I usually kept them and I would panic (I’ve been a drama queen since forever,lol). 

    I think it’s the whole process of getting used to something new that bothers me. The readjustment process. It’s worse if the change is going to be a bad one because nobody wants to go from good to bad. Everyone wants a good change, if any at all.

    I just get very comfortable and want things to stay that way for as long as possible. I mean my comfort zone has a warm bed, free WiFi, avodacos….you know? It’s hard to leave it.

    But you can’t live life like that because life is dynamic and it is meant to be progressive.

    I realized that lately (because I’m growing old and being hit with so many epiphanies, lol) after a big change came my way. I learned that you should not get too comfortable in a particular situation in life because it will be hard to move on when the situation changes.

    This is so hard to do when your life situation is awesome! To not get comfortable at your happiest moment? How do you even do that? It seems easier when your life situation is shitty. 

    But we have to try.

    We have to try because when life throws a change your way, you have to get a move on. 

    So go on now, move along hunny.

    PS: My theory is, the comfort zone is a trap! Yeap. It’s a manmade trap that lures us in with awesome things like warm beds and WiFi and avocados and we need to open our eyes people! It’s a conspiracy that should be exposed and I am glad to be the one to do it because it’s about time we broke free from the shackles of the comfort zone. Stay woke guys✊  (I’m a conspiracy theorist by night, oddball by day😾).

    9 of my favorite songs right now.


    My taste in music is very out there but it is undeniably awesome (I am not even bragging you guys, honest😅). 

    These songs are what I am playing on repeat on my phone at the moment. Like, if a little birdy revealed to me that the world was ending in a few hours, I’d like to go out jamming to these 9 bad boys.

    Why 9? It’s my lucky number, xx.

    1. Thinking of you – Mabel.

    Currently my ringtone and favorite song✌

    Why: She’s my age, a newcomer on the UK RnB scene, with a great sense of fashion and with bomb vocals I swear! I heard her on the radio earlier this year and thought it was Miss Karun from Camp Mulla (remember them?) She is just my favorite right now!

    2. Drink up – Train.

    Why: Train are still relevant after all these years! Still making great music. Their new album is called A girl, a bottle and a boat. This song is just a perfect song to help you live in the moment.

    3. Unforgetable – French Montana ft. Swae Lee.

    Why: Jungle Rules😍 You cannot not love this song to be honest. 

    4. Feel it still – Portugal.The man.

    Why: This song is the funkiest jam I’ve heard this year. I had never heard of these guys before(they’re an alternative rock band) but this song made me a fan from the moment I heard it. Makes me want to be a rebel honestly,lol.

     5. Angels – Chance The Rapper ft. Saba.

    Why: Chance The Rapper just gives the happiest vibes through his music and this song is my favorite from his album Coloring Book. The same way he feels about hus city in this song is also how I feel about Nairobi❤

     6. Thunder – Imagine Dragons.

    Why: Their comeback album Evolve is just super uplifting. This is my favorite song so far.

     7. Wild thoughts – DJ Khaled, Rihanna ft. Bryson Tiller.

    Why: I think this is the sexiest song I have heard so far this year. DJ Khaled always comes through. I want to ‘relearn’ how to dance so I can dance to this jam! Also, Bryson Tiller❤😍❤

     8. There’s nothing holding me back – Shawn Mendez.

    Why:  Great vibez about having no fear. This jam is just everything I stand for, xx. His second album Illuminate is the bomb BTW, every song! Very grown. 

      9. Perfect places – Lorde.

    Why: I have been a Lorde fan since day one and her new album Melodrama is bomb! This song, released last week, is awesome✌

    These are my favorites at the moment, maybe next month I’ll find some other songs to obsess over 😂

    What are you jamming to currently? Let me know in the comments😃 I’d like to add more great songs to my playlist.

    Have a great weekend guys, x.