Don’t get too comfortable.

This image is just too deep for words

You need to learn to not get too comfortable. Life is dynamic and when change comes along, we need to also move along lest we get left behind – Tess ♛

That’s a new saying I conjured up lately. It’s going into the book ,”Tess’ Wise Sayings.”

I’m not feeling wise though at the moment because I am stubborn. I am a stubborn girl and two things keep me back:

  1. Change scares me.
  2. My comfort zone is just oh so comfy, gosh!

    Change is a major thing for a human being. It happens so often in our lives. Slowly or in the blink of an eye. It’s either a good change or a bad change but it is inevitable.

    It’s always scared me from the time I was a kid. I would come home from school, when I was 5 or 6, to find my mum moved my stuff from where I usually kept them and I would panic (I’ve been a drama queen since forever,lol). 

    I think it’s the whole process of getting used to something new that bothers me. The readjustment process. It’s worse if the change is going to be a bad one because nobody wants to go from good to bad. Everyone wants a good change, if any at all.

    I just get very comfortable and want things to stay that way for as long as possible. I mean my comfort zone has a warm bed, free WiFi, avodacos….you know? It’s hard to leave it.

    But you can’t live life like that because life is dynamic and it is meant to be progressive.

    I realized that lately (because I’m growing old and being hit with so many epiphanies, lol) after a big change came my way. I learned that you should not get too comfortable in a particular situation in life because it will be hard to move on when the situation changes.

    This is so hard to do when your life situation is awesome! To not get comfortable at your happiest moment? How do you even do that? It seems easier when your life situation is shitty. 

    But we have to try.

    We have to try because when life throws a change your way, you have to get a move on. 

    So go on now, move along hunny.

    PS: My theory is, the comfort zone is a trap! Yeap. It’s a manmade trap that lures us in with awesome things like warm beds and WiFi and avocados and we need to open our eyes people! It’s a conspiracy that should be exposed and I am glad to be the one to do it because it’s about time we broke free from the shackles of the comfort zone. Stay woke guys✊  (I’m a conspiracy theorist by night, oddball by day😾).

    OWN YOUR FEELINGS.


    I read this tweet (a screenshot of it actually) from Childish Gambino the other day that summed up pretty much how I was feeling.

     It was a tweet about our generation and  how we basically are cold hearted. Girls are scared to love and boys don’t show their feelings. So we end up putting up these giant walls to protect ourselves from falling in love, showing our true feelings and being honest with ourselves.

    Truth be told, I go there too often myself. Sometimes I just say, “You know what? Fuck feelings! I’m no longer giving fucks.” Because people and life in general can get you to that point.

    But then we can get so accustomed to not caring and not giving a damn about things and not feeling things we are supposed to feel. We push our feelings deep down inside us. We actually miss out on feeling the right way at a particular moment because we have become so used to not feeling things. We want to feel the good and not feel the bad yet it’s part of being human.

    I have done that a few times in the name of “hiding my feelings from people.” I did not want to show my feelings in front of people I felt were not supposed to see my vulnerability. So I ‘postponed’ that feeling for some other time. Worst.idea.ever. 

    When I confronted the feeling later in private, something terrible happened. Many other feelings I had supressed previously, on diffetent occassions and I had completely forgotten about, resurfaced, all at once. They literally came back to bite me in the ass. It.was.ugly. 

    I had a mental breakdown for like half an hour. Imagine a mixture of emotions from everywhere attacking you and you do not know how to feel? I just cried for 30 minutes from all the confusion. Thank God I was alone and I managed to get my shit together.

    I am officially working on owning my feelings now because that breakdown was crazy to the core. I thought I was going insane!

    I think we become honest with ourselves when we actually own our feelings and allow ourselves to feel in the moment. This is so important for mental health and happiness. 

    Life is too short to not feel!

    Catch feelings sometimes, give fucks, own your feelings but do not ignore them. 

    Feel those feels y’all.


    Happy Mother’s Day.

    Flower child

    Beautiful child

    She dances in the field

    Her friends are the birds and the bees

    Her pleasure is the warm embrace of the African sun

    She runs with the wind

    Her scent is carried to far away lands, to her lovers , by the wind

    That they may keep her in mind when they can’t stand the Savannah sun

    She cries in the rain

    When she can no longer stand the pain

    No longer kissed by the sun’s rays

    She cowers

    This flower child, beautiful child.         🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌈🌈🌈🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺

    Happy mother’s day to all mums. You make the world go round. To quote a wise man with a large forehead, “A motherless world is like drinking from a cup without a handle.” You  can only imagine how drinking hot Chai would be like. Lots of love✌

    Fire Child.
    She is fierce

    She is a child of the fire

    Clothed in the warmth of the sun and the heat of it’s flames

    She walks the earth 

    She scorches the earth

    Her feet leave smoking prints as she trudges on

    She wanders

    She walks the desert day and night – illuminating

    Brighter than the sun itself, brighter than the moon

    She lights the way for her own children as her mother – sun, lit hers

    She is a child of the fire

    She is fierce.

    My mother, the herbalist.

    Remember my post on taking stock last week? When I said I was smelling herbs? ( http://wp.me/p6VeO2-76 ) Well, it is getting pretty serious around here. My mum has brought home the big guns.

     I have been sick for a while now and my medication is not working. She just got frustrated one morning and I heard her on the phone.

    “Her meds aren’t working. I think you’ll have to come in and check it yourself.”

    (Person on the other side.)

    “Yeah, kuja you see her, hizi dawa za wazungu pia huwa useless sometimes. I think ni vuindi.

    (Person on the other side.)

    She nods vigorously and hangs up.

    “Who was that kwani?” I asked.

    “I called my friend Harbert to come check you out. He’s an herbal doctor.” My mum is a big believer of natural remedies provided directly by Mother Nature.

    So Harbert came home on Monday and checked me out. 

    They discuss the diagnosis in luhya, which is pretty rude if you ask me because they think I don’t understand luhya. I’m the bloody patient so the least Harbert could do is address me personally. As you can tell, I was a little pissed. I’ll translate it.

    “What do you think? Is it  vuindi ?”

    “No. But I’ve seen this before. It’s not serious. Itaisha tu once you get her the herbs.”

    My mum sighs with relief, not because the good doctor has said my case is treatable but because he said it is not vuindi.

    Okay. Vuindi is this luhya thing, like a sort of witchcraft. Someone looks at you and “throws you sickness” to translate it directly. These things are real you guys, haha. Suddenly you can’t eat because your throat hurts or you start limping or something funny just happens to you. This is why I don’t like going upcountry sometimes. But there’s herbs to prevent this.

    Anyway, my mum is told which herbs to get for me. She returns in the evening with so many plants, she looks like she uprooted an entire bush. There are little berries, purple roots, I swear there is one that looks like weeds we learnt about in Class Four Science. She tells me to wash them and pound them in a mortar.

    “And then what?”

    “You are to drink it and apply it around your neck twice a day.”

    “Ha! I’m not drinking this stuff. These berries could be poisonous. What’s this purple stuff ata?” I say with a ddisgusted face.

    “Nothing here is poisonous. My grandmother used to use these. You will drink it upende usipende. I didn’t look like a crazy lady picking plants by the roadside for you to refuse to drink this.”

    So now I’m drinking this dark green concoction I thought I would have to drink with a bucket nearby in case I vomit but it’s surprisingly not bitter. It’s not kali at all. It’s just….unusual.

    When I apply it on my neck, especially at night, I end up smelling like backed potatoes. I’m dreaming of potatoes too a lot lately. Could it be the herbs’ side effects? Ha, just kidding! It was only once😂
    Ps: Mother’s day is this Sunday by the way. May 14th♥


    Conversations with my alter ego.

    What you’re about to read is sort of an interview. A dialogue. A conversation between my alter ego(Queer) and I(Tess). It is just a page from my weird imagination in an attempt to know what happiness really is. If you get confused, don’t worry, it happens to many people when they try to decipher a way through the maze in my head☺
    T: What is happiness to you?

    Q: Happiness? 

    Um, wearing a clean bra☺

    Being gifted happy socks on any occasion, blisssss.

    Eating ugali and omena and it’s not even my birthday, wtf ily!

    T: Let’s be realistic here for a moment.

    Q: And what’s nonrealistic about hygiene and multicolored socks and favorite meals? They seem pretty real to me.

    T: Okay then. What “psychological” things make you happy?

    Q: What’s with the air quotes? Well, not constantly over thinking about stuff would make me happy.

    T: So you’re saying you are an over thinker?

    Q: No. You’re the over thinker. I like to sit in the background, pour myself a glass of sangria and watch the proceedings. You can be quite a skeptic sometimes.

    T: Back to the happiness bit. What makes you happy that isn’t vanity?

    Q: Well when you put it that way…hmm.

    I would say the little things in life really. A great panorama, moments I’m alone with my thoughts and we’re not over thinking, deep conversations with people ow, like that guy you like, what’s his name?

    T: We can’t say that here!

    Q: Oh shit! My apologies. But why not Tess? A blog’s purpose is self expression, isn’t it?

    T: It is but that’s not why we’re here. And nobody cares about stuff like that Queer. You were saying?

    Q: Ah yes. Being somewhere with my people, kicking it, listening to some great music, discussing our big dreams and sharing plans for megalomania. That makes me happy. 

    Living in the moment, you know? Cuddling. Taking long reflective walks. When I write something awesome, that feeling is everything Tess.

    T: Who are “your people”?

    Q: Again with the air quotes…Weirdos like me are my people.

    Also “non-weirdos” who get me. That’s how to properly use air quotes BTW.

    T: What about family?

    Q: What about them?

    T: How do you relate happiness with family?

    Q: If my mum is happy, I’m happy. If my family is happy, then I’m happy.

    T: So what is happiness to you?

    Q: Um, happiness is not one thing Tess. I can’t put one thing in a box and label it happiness. That’s just sad. Happiness is many different things which can only be put in a large space where it is free to burst out into different colors, bounce off walls, hang from the light bulb, play with the light switch, bang the doors, break some windows, draw on the white walls with crayons, rearrange the furniture, sing out loud, cry like a baby, stare in awe, wave frantically out the window at passers-by, do some cartwheels, run around in circles and sit down peacefully. That’s just it. It’s many things,some of which we have never heard of in our entire lives. Happiness to me is many things. You get?

    T: Um.Wow. If I didn’t know better, I would say you just described a crazy person in an asylum. 

    Q: I’m glad you know better Tess. So what about you? What is happiness to you?

    T: Whatever makes you happy makes me happy. We are the same person after all ,aren’t we?

    Q: I like it when we’re on the same page☺

    (Q-Queer. T-Tess.) Why I have an alter ego is a story for another day. What is happiness to you though? Let me know in the comments.

    Nice weekend peeps✌

    Conversations with my alter ego.

    Uploading…
    What you’re about to read is sort of an interview. A dialogue. A conversation between my alter ego(Queer) and I(Tess). It is just a page from my weird imagination in an attempt to know what happiness really is. If you get confused, don’t worry, it happens to many people when they try to decipher a way through the maze in my head☺
    T: What is happiness to you?

    Q: Happiness? 

    Um, wearing a clean bra☺

    Being gifted happy socks on any occasion, blisssss.

    Eating ugali and omena and it’s not even my birthday, wtf ily!

    T: Let’s be realistic here for a moment.

    Q: And what’s nonrealistic about hygiene and multicolored socks and favorite meals? They seem pretty real to me.

    T: Okay then. What “psychological” things make you happy?

    Q: What’s with the air quotes? Well, not constantly over thinking about stuff would make me happy.

    T: So you’re saying you are an over thinker?

    Q: No. You’re the over thinker. I like to sit in the background, pour myself a glass of sangria and watch the proceedings. You can be quite a skeptic sometimes.

    T: Back to the happiness bit. What makes you happy that isn’t vanity?

    Q: Well when you put it that way…hmm.

    I would say the little things in life really. A great panorama, moments I’m alone with my thoughts and we’re not over thinking, deep conversations with people ow, like that guy you like, what’s his name?

    T: We can’t say that here!

    Q: Oh shit! My apologies. But why not Tess? A blog’s purpose is self expression, isn’t it?

    T: It is but that’s not why we’re here. And nobody cares about stuff like that Queer. You were saying?

    Q: Ah yes. Being somewhere with my people, kicking it, listening to some great music, discussing our big dreams and sharing plans for megalomania. That makes me happy. 

    Living in the moment, you know? Cuddling. Taking long reflective walks. When I write something awesome, that feeling is everything Tess.

    T: Who are “your people”?

    Q: Again with the air quotes…Weirdos like me are my people.

    Also “non-weirdos” who get me. That’s how to properly use air quotes BTW.

    T: What about family?

    Q: What about them?

    T: How do you relate happiness with family?

    Q: If my mum is happy, I’m happy. If my family is happy, then I’m happy.

    T: So what is happiness to you?

    Q: Um, happiness is not one thing Tess. I can’t put one thing in a box and label it happiness. That’s just sad. Happiness is many different things which can only be put in a large space where it is free to burst out into different colors, bounce off walls, hang from the light bulb, play with the light switch, bang the doors, break some windows, draw on the white walls with crayons, rearrange the furniture, sing out loud, cry like a baby, stare in awe, wave frantically out the window at passers-by, do some cartwheels, run around in circles and sit down peacefully. That’s just it. It’s many things,some of which we have never heard of in our entire lives. Happiness to me is many things. You get?

    T: Um.Wow. If I didn’t know better, I would say you just described a crazy person in an asylum. 

    Q: I’m glad you know better Tess. So what about you? What is happiness to you?

    T: Whatever makes you happy makes me happy. We are the same person after all ,aren’t we?

    Q: I like it when we’re on the same page☺

    (Q-Queer. T-Tess.) Why I have an alter ego is a story for another day. What is happiness to you though? Let me know in the comments.

    Nice weekend peeps✌