Six words to describe me.

Last week we had a Press Week at my school. It was epic! It was basically a chance for media students to interact with media professionals and learn how to put our theory to practice.

Anyway, there was this speaker, Dan Mule, from Nation Media Group who addressed the topic of personal branding.

There were five steps to creating your personal brand and the fifth one was: six words to describe you.

What six words would you use to describe yourself? What six words would your friends describe you with? I was very curious so first thing I did when I got home was to ask my two close friends and the person who knows me best; me.

Lets get to it.

Maddo went first.

1. Cautious.

I am extremely cautious in everything I do but most especially, in what I say. I think before saying anything; everything that comes out of my mouth is filtered.

This annoys her so much😂😂 because it makes it impossible to know exactly what I think. I hold myself back from saying what I really feel for fear of hurting someone’s feelings. I agree😅

2. Neat.

I am a neat freak. I love my things(and others’) to be orderly.

It’s like a curse😂

3. Private.

I am very private about my affairs. I withhold so much information about myself or my life when my friends are busy opening up about theirs.

I am just a very reserved person💁 I am working on opening up more though.

4. (Hater of conflict).

I couldn’t find a proper adjective to describe this. I absolutely hate conflict and avoid it at all costs.

Even an arguement on the smallest of things drains all my energy and happiness. It’s as if my soul is being drained.

Maybe that’s why I’m cautious with my words? To avoid conflicts? Psychoanalysis anyone?

5. Smart.

(I literally aaawed at this one.)

I am very intelligent. Among the most intelligent people she knows😂 I am very humble by the way😅

6. Planner.

I plan for everything. I have a list of goals and stategies and steps to follow joted down on my various notebooks😂

I thrive on planning for anything. It gives me a clear vision of where I’m headed. Also gives me a sense of control. I am kind of a control freak😅

Stacia went next.

1. Self-critic.

I criticize myself too much. I see faults in myself others cannot even see. I am too hard on myself.

I totally agree. I am my biggest critic. I’ll criticize my body, my art, my social skills, basically anything about me. The thing is, especially with my art, I have so much more potential to do better and I push myself to reach that potential ,too hard at times.

2. Neat.

If it appears more than twice, I’m winning at it😊 unless it’s a negative.

3. (Phone addict.)

I am always on my phone. When I wake up, it’s the first thing I’ll look at.

Truth.

90% of the time, I’m reading an e-book or writing something on my phone or running around wikipedia or having a really interesting conversation or passing through social media. The other 10% I spend going through my gallery or staring at my wallpaper so I look like I’m busy when in actual sense, I’m avoiding something or someone😅 This is clearly a problem.

4. Mindful.

I am always thinking of other people. How are they feeling? What do they need? How will they feel if I say this?(hence the cautious words maybe?)

I do think of other people a lot and sometimes forget myself. I am learning to put myself first these days and still mind everyone else around me.

5. Knowledgeable.

I know so many things about almost everything. I almost know every song, every movie that was ever made, almost every science related thing….you get the gist? My general knowledge is on another level🙈

I am still very humble😅

I think she was calling me a nerd polietly. Thanks babe☺

Ps: If you’re looking for a nerd for your game night, contact me. Take my friend’s word for it.

6. (Talented singer.)

I can really sing. Like really sing. But I don’t show my talent.

Okay, I love singing. It’s great therapy to be honest but again, I have the potential to be better. I’m not ready to push myself that hard to be better at it. At least not now. I’m currently focusing on other things.

I was the last one.

1. Indecisive.

This is one of my biggest flaws. I simply cannot decide what I want sometimes. It’s frustrating but I am a work in progress😃

2. Passionate.

I put my heart and soul into things and people and causes I love and care about. I always go hard for them.

3. Humanitarian.

I believe in the power of humanity and our capacity to love and actually change the world. Of course humanity can disappoint you and you lose faith in them sometimes but I try to be the love I want to see in the world.

4. Inconsistent.

If you read my blog, you know my struggles😂

I am really working hard to follow through with things I decide to do.

5. Mindful.

Winning☺

6. Peaceful.

The fact that I hate conflict makes me a propagator of peace. I like to maintain peace wherever I am.

I am also calm and quiet unless you disrespect me and try to take away my rights and freedoms, then we’ll have a problem.

I guess that’s where I draw the line and get involved in conflict. It will tear me apart but my dignity as a human being is far more important.

This excersise was such an eye opener. Somethings I never even realised about myself till my friends pointed them out. You guys should try it out with your friends and see how it goes.

But first, give me one word to describe yourself in the comments. Any word you feel like😃

Special thanks to my rommates Maddo and Stacia – my country 21 people😂

Advertisements

The talk.

Adulting is hard. It’s even harder when you have no idea whatsoever what you’re doing or where you’re going. That’s why we need mentors and role models and parents. To guide us and show us which way has better lighting so we don’t stumble blindly in the dark.

One thing I wish I was given good and sufficient advice on is relationships and sex. Yes, I said sex.

Disclaimer: I am about to make some people very uncomfortable. Quit now or be traumatised for the rest of the day or maybe week? I don’t know.

Now that the people who get uncomfortable even on the mention of the word sex have left the class, back benchers kujeni mbele. Settle down, settle down. Maddo I see you, thanks for attending☺

As I was saying, I wish my parents had given me a better talk on sex education and relationships in general. But you know African parents, right? They will avoid talking about it for as long as they can(yaani you can be turning 40 and they never talked to you about it and they sleep like babies at night, without an ounce of guilt in them.)

My parents never sat me down to give me the talk. They knew I was getting plenty of the knowledge from school because I came home with notes and pamphlets and stories about what we were taught at school. Back then, most public schools had a Peer educator programme where a bunch of us were selected to go learn sex ed then we’d come back and teach our peers. I was a peer educator so I was full of knowledge.

But teachers at school will teach you like teachers do- in a classroom, with chalk, charts and a little intimidation.
We needed our folks to fill in some gaps for us.

But African parents are so skilled in dodging awkward conversations with their children. My friend was telling me about how her parents gave her the knowledge. Her mum would leave a book like “Questions Adolescents Ask” on the sittingroom table where everyone could see it and they, being curious kids, would pick it up and devour its content. Their dad would tell them a story and go round and round the point until finally, the story would end and they would it would my friend and her siblings a long time before they realised the main message in the story.

My parents were almost the same. When I first had my periods, my mum handed me a packet of pads, a smile and one awkward sentence, “Now that you’ve become a woman, don’t play with boys.” Lol😂😂 This haunts me even in my sleep. I feel like she should have given me more, no matter how awkward it would have gotten, instead of assuming I already knew.

The fact that they approached this subject which so much secrecy and shyness and aggression (my dad would chase away any boy he saw me talking to past 7 O’clock with a rungu and threats like ,”nikikuona hapa tena nitakukata miguu”. Yeah, his plan was for me to be perpetually single for the rest of my life) only made us more curious to find out why.

See our generation now.
We are so permissive about relationships and sex. We have made relationships and sex to be such a casual thing. Random hookups with random people we meet, two week relationships, general failure in relationships because of the smallest things that can be worked out but we are just unwilling and so many more.

If our parents(or should I say some because some parents are like superheroes in this department) had approached this subject in a more serious way, would we have a different perspective on sex and relationships in general? Maybe.
Maybe we would talk relationships seriously (and some of us actually do, bless you guys😂). Maybe we would see sex as something sacred we share with people we love and value and actually remember their names the next morning (again, some of us do, y’all the real MVPs😂💪).

Let’s not put all the blame on African parents though. We, as a generation, have failed ourselves as well. Every generation has its fair share of shortcomings and so do we. And our generation will also play a part in shaping the next generation’s perceptions about many things. Let’s not fail them.

In the mean time, can we agree to be sensible? Our parents may not have tackled this sex ed issue in the best way possible but, we still got knowledge. We live in the age of information. Let’s get informed, make good decisions and stay safe. We owe ourselves that.

Did your parents give you a proper talk? Let me know in the comments😃

A doctor, a Sunday night and a very random story.

If this isn't me😂

I hate hospitals. I hate pills. I hate(I’m terrified of) injections😭 I like funny doctors though, like actual funny ones who make you laugh and forget you’re nervous and terrified that he’ll give you an injection on the butt and make you cry like a little girl.

Doctors who don’t even try to be funny. They do it effortlessy (also, they probably do stand up comedy in a dingy bar on Sunday nights and draw out a big crowd of people in their forties going through mid-life crises). Those are my favourite kind of doctors.

Lately I’ve been falling ill often. Bacteria and viruses just won’t let me rest. So I’m sitting in the waiting room of my school Health Unit on a Sunday night waiting for the doctor.

Mosquitoes too aren’t letting me rest. They’re feasting on my legs😢

I’m hoping this doctor is one of them. He just walked in and he has a potbelly and a mustache. That’s a good sign, right? I think that kitambi backs up my theory of him going to dingy bars on Sunday nights. He looks like a beer guy. Beer guys are funny, right?

He just called me in. But he pronunced my name as ‘Teiii” like tei for pombe. Yaani he’s in such a hurry to go out to that bar and meet his people that he sees my name as pombe.

He leaves me in his office for a moment. More mosquitoes. His stethoscope is on the table ptactically just begging me to pick it up and check my heartbeat but I decide not to because my reflexes are slow at the moment and he will definitely catch me. I’m not ready to explain myself out of a situation like that.

I was so tempted to ask him, “So, do you ever do stand up?” But I restrain myself. Let him take his time. Good comedy takes time. His office is so dull.

There’s a bible on his shelf. It looks sooo new and unopened. So he doesn’t read the Bible either? I was really looking forward to the ‘Moses jokes’😣

He gets back and diagnoses me. I have to go to the lab to get a blood test.

Aki this guy wasn’t funny😢 His kitambi and mustache are all hype and no show. His wife should make him go to the gym and shave that mustache. What a dissappointment!

Okay, honestly, I am scared. Bloodtests equal injections. The guy who is taking my blood is flirting with me or trying to. What’s wrong with him??? I am sick and nervous and he wants to know why he never sees me around? First of all, just cut to the chase and take my blood. Second, he was probably making small talk, which I still hate, because I looked terrified.

He takes my blood, I wince a little then I wait for a while for the results. He sends me back to the doctor.

“So whats wrong with me doc?”

“Malaria.” Thats all he says, no mosquito jokes, no nothing. He prescribes me pills to pick up at the pharmacy.

I can’t hold it in anymore, I have to ask him.

“So, are you a beer guy?”

“Excuse me?”

“Is beer your prefered drink?”

He looks at me skeptically, laughs and says yes.

Great. There is still hope for him. Maybe he is going through a comedian’s block. You know? Like a writer’s block for comedians. I totally made that up. A dryspell. Did I just say that?😂😂😂

Taking Stock 3.

It’s been two months since my last post. My biggest excuse is that I’ve been busy with school. My actual excuse is that I was stuck in a rut. I still kinda am.

But so many people have been asking me if I have any new content and that’s challenged me so much. Its time to get back on the wagon and I thought I’d start with taking stock :

Amazed at how many people actually read my blog(like every post) and appreciate the content I put out. You guys are the realest❤

Appreciating everyone who shares my sense of humor, music and art, and everyone who challenges me to produce awesome content and love to read my posts🙏

Being still and kmowing that He is God.

Craving clarity and closure, as always, because I find it hard to progress without these.

Crushing on everyone with healthy dreadlocks.

Considering dyeing my dreadlocks. Still haven’t decided on a colour though, any suggestions?

Dreaming about a vacay.

Denying the title Slay Queen and blocking anyone who calls me that. I’m not playing. This is a story for another day though.

Drinking fanta passion a lot😍

Eating healthy, I think.

Excited about the holidays☺

Feeling absolutely grateful for how far we’ve come this year.

Focusing on me more❤

Jamming to this song Suited by Shekinah from South Africa. I swear this song gives me soulful vibes🙌

Keeping a cool head even when I am so upset I could stab someone with a pencil.

Listening to this podcast called Call Your Girlfriend by Ann Friedman and Aminatou Sow. These girls are bomb!

Learning to walk away from things that give me grief even though I love them.

Loving the woman I have become in 2017❤

Making a neon green mat for a cute little puppy called Sunny.

Missing 105.5 X fm so much 😭 Haishiki huku penye niko.

Needing too much attention I’m practically an infant.

Owning my feelings and my mistakes.

Obsessed with wallpapers I get from Pinterest😍 Contact me if intetested.

Procrastinating EVERYTHING I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Reading uuum does reading the ingredients to food supplies count as reading? No? Okay then, how about textbooks and notes?

Smiling from little things like remembering crazy situations I’ve been in this past months ☺

Slaying my goals and resolutions for this year and I am so damn proud.

Treating myself often because I deserve it. Pedis, manis, candy, you name it.

Writing too many love stories.

Waiting naah I’m done waiting! If it matters to me I’m going ahead to pursue it and so should you.

Wanting inner peace and general peace for the Country✌

I’m working on this week’s posts and I hope you like them. Suggestions on what you’d like me to write about are also welcome😃 Just leave me a comment here or connect with me on:

Email- selinateyie@gmail.com

Facebook- Selina Teyie

Instagram- @selina_teyie

Twitter- @SelinaTeyie

Nice day peeps✌

Embrace the uncertainty.

Calvin is right😂😂


I met up with my bestie (Diana) from high school this  weekend to do some catching up. It was a lot of fun. She also runs a fashion blog at herorielcloset.wordpress.com , check her out 😃
We reminisced and talked about our current lives and our plans for the future and boys😂 and pretty much everything we could think of. Especially navigating life in our twenties and how our lives could be made into a sitcom😂

The main similarity between us was the level of uncertainty we had about life. Are we doing it right? Should we have figured it out by now or when are we supposed to have figured it out? Basically, we don’t know what we are doing but it’s okay. 

For me, the challenge I’ve encountered as an adult in this modern age is money and believing in my art. They are interconnected so much. I need money to further my art and I need my art to make money. It sucks sometimes but we have to manage.

We’re young, without stable incomes, probably depending on our parents, in school working our butts off, paying bills (with money from our parents😂), maintaining our social lives, paying taxes and basically getting used to being grown ups and it is hectic.

We need to take a break and take it easy on ourselves. One day, we will probably have it figured out (though this is very unlikely, lol). In the meantime, have fun. Embrace the uncertainty. Climb mountains and rooftops (Diana and I went to the top of the KICC – fun times😍), go out more, love yourself, meet new people and enjoy your twenties as much as possible.

I was reading bikozulu last year and I came across a comment that I loved so much. I had to screenshot it because it was sooo good. It said:

I think the biggest shock we get as adults are the truths no one ever really told us about:

That things will not always go our way, that the world owes you nothing (it was here first), you will not always be loved back, sometimes love just fades or it is not enough and that’s okay, that horrible things happen to good people, that to be human is to be flawed and no one has figured it out….

Take that as advice as we begin this week and as September draws near and school opens.
Connect with me😃

Facebook: Selina Teyie.

Facebook Page: The Tess Chronicles. 

Twitter: @SelinaTeyie

Instagram: @selina_teyie

Email: selinateyie@gmail.com

Departure.

Give me an audience

I beg you

I want your audience

I need you

To hear me

Like I need the sun in the morning

To give me light

To shine a light in my dark life

To illuminate my dark insides

My dark thoughts that arose

After your unexplained departure.

I need you

To let me know

Was it my flaws that let you 

Let me go?

That you couldn’t go to war anymore?

To fight for you and me and our

Forevermore?

But

You turned me down

Time after time after time

Slammed the door on my face

Made me feel damned,

Wretched, a disgrace

Unworthy to claim a place

In your heart.

So I Left

Locked myself in a room

As dark as my thoughts

And I looked for a way out

A way up

I slit my wrists and I bled  -Words

These words you denied me then

And I grew lighter

And lighter

Rose higher 

And higher

Felt a great euphoria

I bled till I ran out of thoughts

These dark thoughts of you

That arose

After your departure.

By  TheQueerPoet ✌
According to me, this poem is about seeking closure after a major unexpected change has occurred in a person’s life. I am a big believer in the role closure plays in moving  on but sometimes, we can’t be given closure. We have to get it on our own and move on.

What do you guys think this ‘poem’ (I hope it can be classified that way) is about? Let me know in the comments ☺

Awesome weekend peeps☺

Flirting 101. 

People who can’t take hints are sad honestly.


(How to flirt according to a girl who rarely flirts and probably does it awkwardly when she does.)

Long post ahead..

Ah, flirting. The subtle but sometimes obvious art of trying to impress the object of your attraction (that is, according to me).

I was recently in a ‘flirting situation’ that got me really frustrated because it was so wrong. Infact, it got me so angry I blocked this person of interest (P.O.I). This was not the first time someone flirted wrong with me, it happens often. I do it wrong too sometimes.

Flirting is fun, when done well and not too much because nobody likes a constant flirt.

We flirt using words, body language, facial expressions and so much more. In the case of our generation, we flirt through texts mostly. Simply put, flirting is kuingizana box or at least trying to.

This is how it should be done (according to me and my odd judgment):

  1. Body language. 

It’s important to involve body language while flirting with someone. (This means you’ll have to meet face to face by the way so shy people😂 master a little courage yeah?)

Use your hands and not in a creepy way. Groping👏 is👏 not👏 flirting👏 You will get arrested my friend. Just lightly place your hand on your P.O.I’s hand or other appropriate place when laughing, or offer to brush something of their face even if it’s imaginary. Just let them know you’re there and you notice them.

Also notice more subtle things like when a girl keeps touching her hair or yours (I’ve actually done that before ,lol).

Studies show that when a person is interested in you, their toes will automatically point towards you when they talk to you so keep a look out for toes too😃

When I flirt, I use my hands as body language a lot and sometimes it backfires. Once a guy asked me outright, “why do you keep touching your hair?” I couldn’t reply, it was too embarrassing. I also touch them ‘accidentally’ when laughing and I’m a hugger so watch out.

You should also read negative body language as well. Sometimes people just don’t want to flirt with you and that’s okay. Don’t push it. Just walk away (and live to fight another day).

        2. Facial expressions.

I’m told that I have an intense stare. It’s mostly intense when I’m not wearing my glasses. The thing is, I like to read people. 

By maintaining eye contact with someone, I’m able to see their intentions, tell if they are lying, internalize how cute they actually are (lol) and tell what emotions they are currently feeling by reading their facial expressions.

You want your P.O.I to see that you are a cool, fun, happy person so keep your expressions like that. Smile honestly, laugh for goodness sake. Even if you don’t smile a lot or laugh often, you want to put your best foot forward here.

Don’t give off serial killer vibes please.

I also appreciate eye contact from my P.O.I.  I understand that I have a great dashboard but my eyes are on my face. If you keep avoiding my eye contact for too long, I’ll feel like you’re hiding something. Shy guys, what’s good?😉

Though scientists discovered that men who don’t smile often appear more attractive than those who do (and I agree), what’s up with that?

I also have what scientists call a ‘resting bitch face’. Yes, it’s a real thing. Basically it means that my neutral facial expression appears like I’m angry or judging someone or I never ever smile or I could be a serial killer?

So when I’m flirting, I leave my ‘resting bitch face’ at home😊

  3. Words.

This is where things get tricky. Words are very crucial when flirting. Be it in person, through texts or over a phone call, you have to use the right words. No pressure.

As a writer, I ace at words and unfortunately for my P.O.I, I expect great words. I’m talking great face to face conversations, great texting and not so awkward phone calls.

It’s such high expectations that see me get frustrated and block people mercilessly. 

You are trying to impress a millennial girl in the 21st century not the middle ages. If you tell me you are in love with me and you don’t even know my second name, best believe that I will block you, delete your number and change my route home to avoid bumping into you.

Don’t come off too strong. Be as subtle and cunning with your approach as possible.

Also, don’t text me in English if you can’t handle it. Kiswahili will do. Just be yourself and I will adjust my expectations so we can be on the same level (I know I sound like an asshole but I am very serious). Authenticity is key. Be you.

If you have to change the way you usually communicate in real life to flirt with someone then you are probably doing it wrong.

Be witty. Make your P.O.I  laugh and you are on the right track. Once, this guy followed me around for four days straight before I gave him my number. I walk really fast when I have to get somewhere so he just kept running beside me, talking endlessly and I found it annoying but funny.

 I just asked him, “why do you keep following me?” He laughed and said he wanted to get my number.

Another guy found me in a queue for chapatis in our estate (on election day, when all shops were closed) and he queued behind me. Then he asks, “Hii ni line ya nini?” I tell him it’s for chapatis and look at him like he’s crazy. So he says to me, “oooh, nilikuona tu nikakufuata and I didn’t know why we were queueing.”  He actually had a loaf bread in his hand. I laughed too much than I probably should have.
So with all these rules and expectations in our generation today, flirting seems so hard and complicated and if you are socially awkward (like me, believe it or not), it can sound like rocket science.

But it is an art and like an artist, one has to keep practicing to perfect their art. Of course some people are born naturals (who are these creatures though?) while some of us have to work real hard at it.

A great flirting technique can score you a number or better, a date. So it’s actually kind of a big deal. You do not want to flirt the wrong way. 

I am not an expert but I find that some of these tips always work.

I hope the guy I blocked doesn’t read my blog. If you do, please don’t think I’m a monster. An asshole maybe. And please don’t sue me, gosh! I can’t afford a lawyer yet, give me 5 years from now.

To my potential P.O.Is , if you were reading, I hope you were taking notes.