Don’t stand in the door.

Life is dynamic. We are always on the move as human beings. Places to be, people to see, things to do. That’s just the way it is.

And we interact with so many people on a daily basis; people who impact our lives in a small way, a big way or no way at all and they either stay in our lives for a long time, a short time or they don’t stay at all.

Either way, people are always in our lives, coming in or going out. I’d like to believe its a cycle of life. A natural process that lets us prevent ourselves from crowding our lives with unnecessary people.

But sometimes there are people who get stuck in between our doors. They are neither coming in nor going out; they’re just there. People like these really give me grief because I never know what to do with them. They aren’t helping me in any way and they can’t quite decide whether or not they want to be in my life.

You see, they stay in between that door just incase they still need me and they still want to keep a distance. This is usually so confusing for me (I don’t know if you guys have ever experienced this) because I like things straight forward. Are we still friends? Yes? No? Maybe? I don’t like maybes. Give me a clear answer because there is nothing as bad as being left hanging waiting for someone to make up their mind. Clarity. Closure.

It really takes a toll on someone and holds them back from moving forward. When someone is standing in the door, you can’t really get in or get out unless you push them out can you? You probably asked them,

“Are you coming in or going out, Sir?” and they just said nothing or,

“I’m not quite sure, My Lady.”

You can’t push them inside either because you can’t force someone to be in your life. They have to decide on their own.

I know now how terrible a feeling it is and I hope I have not or will not do that to anyone ever.

You can’t be out here derailing people’s progress. If you don’t want to be in people’s lives anymore, then remove yourself out of the picture. Don’t stand in the door way because you’ll prevent other people from coming in or going out. Or even the door being closed. Leave so better traffic can come in. You owe it to people.

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Have a great day guys✌


Taking Stock 1.

I finally found a good time to sit down, relax and write. I’ve been sooo lazy. Please forgive me. Its difficult navigating between classes all week, laziness, time with friends, procrastination, and actually coming up with content.

I am here now though.

January has been great, though I started it out solving unfinished business from last year. So let’s take stock, shall we?

Appreciating the small circle friendships I have. They really hold me down.

Feeling so so happy. Wow. I have reached levels of happiness I’ve never been at before. S/O to everyone responsible. You are the real MVPs.

Fighting to keep the people who matter to me in my life but being smart enough to know when to stop fighting.

Hating this little patch of untanned skin on my nose from wearing my glasses so long in the sun.

Loving my dreadlocks. I’ve been curling them when I go to bed so I’d get curls in the morning. So far so good.

Reading this anthology of Sherlock Holmes’ adventures by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. I’m reading it very slowly because Holmes is so sneaky and if you don’t pay attention you won’t see him coming.

Looking forward to taking this roadtrip at the end of February with my friends. I hope it pulls through.

Wearing mom jeans all the damn time! I have three pairs and they are my staples. Basically, it’s my starter pack. Mom jeans, red lipstick and hoops.

Eating brown bread every morning, every week. I just prefer it to white bread these days. Do I see the benefits of it you ask? Ask me again in a month.

Drinking teacoffee a lot. That’s tea mixed with coffee. Is it unhealthy? Probably. Could it be killing me slowly? Let’s not jump to conclusions. Is it yummy? Well, my taste buds are crazy so I can’t say for sure.

Making some big bold changes. I decided to branch out and look for a personal website for my blog. It is almost done.

Dreading getting that website. I don’t know, I feel like I’m not quite ready for it. What is wrong with me?

Listening to a lot British artists lately. There’s this guy in particular, Sampha. His song (No one knows me) Like the piano is my favourite. His voice just gives me great vibes.

Celebrating getting closure. Aki closure and clarity are so important to my peace of mind. If I get a daughter I’m naming her Clarity. Sorry kiddo.

Learning to let Jesus take the wheel and to let time run its course. Also, I’m learning to talk as much as I listen.

Digging the podcast ,The Spread by Kaz Lucas and Nini Wacera. I recently discovered it. Its a sex podcast thats very informative and bold and sensual wah! Y’all should check it out.

Suffering from procrastination, lateness syndrome, ignorance (sometimes), and antisocial tendancies. I thought I left them in 2017.

Crushing on a certain woman called Sage aka Barbara Chemutai. I want to meet her so I can be speechless and just stare at her in awe.

Writing (in my head) the importance of being open minded and being informed and being tolerant in these contemprary times in order to accommodate each other as human beings on this beautiful earth of ours (this would be such a kick ass essay, damn).

Needing a mentor. Can you feel the desparate undertone in my words?

Dreaming of the future.

Treating myself every end month courtesy of a chama I’m in with my girl Stacia. Goodtimes.

Living by the mantra Just go with it. This is my main goal this year, to just go with the flow.

As you can see, my January hasn’t been thaaat exciting. But the year is just starting. Let’s see where it goes.

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Have a great February guys✌


2017 was a fair year for me. That’s the best compliment I can give it. It had its fair share of ups and downs.

I turned 21 in 2017. July 29.

Craziest year yet! Freaky 21 is actually a thing😂 The best gift I recieved this year was the growth I’ve gone through as an individual and the lessons I have learnt.

Lessons such as knowing when to let go, moving on and creating space for better things to come.

When the year started, I was in love, school was not in session and I was not in the best head space. I was a wreck underneath all my composure and I only realized this when I had an ugly emotional breakdown.( )

When it ended, I was in love only with myself😍

September-December was the best semester I’ve ever had. I had the time of my life. I managed to accomplish a couple of goals I had set for myself. I wrote more, took more pictures and allowed myself to have more fun, but most importantly, I was more positive in my thinking beacause garbage in, garbage out.

I also failed to accomplish some things. Things like exercising and eating right😂 I don’t even know what happened guys. Its the devil.

But my biggest highlight of the year was the people who made it an easy year for me. My roommates, my strong female support system, my family, my close friends, random strangers I met who were so kind to me, dudes who hit on me😂, human beings who spread love, cute animals that melted my heart😍, adorable babies, oh my goodness, did I mention I am now an aunt to the cutest little girl; Tahilla– First of Her Name, Stealer of Hearts and Bearer of Chubby Cheeks?

Sorry I digressed😅

Where was I? Oh yes, my vote of thanks. To wind up, you guys made my 2017. My readers. Yee who turn up to read my posts everytime, no matter how crappy. Yee who leave me really great comments that make me cry sometimes because lets face it, I am so in touch with my feelings😢 Yee who share my content, talk about my blog to people, follow my blog, are subscribed to my blog and generally support my little space on the internet. Thank You So so much. You mean the world to me, believe it or not😘

So cheers🍻 Happy new year. May your 2018 be the bomb!

Quarter to 3.

It’s quarter to 3AM.

I’m restless, I can’t fall asleep though I am completely exhausted. My flesh is droopy, my bones are like lead, my soul is tortured, my brain is overworked.

I call you and ask; You know what I need? I need to escape this exhausion. I need to fly away.

Meet me on the roof when the clock strikes three. Bring a joint, I’ll bring the lighter.

Allow me to bare my soul for a moment so you can pick your way through the thorns and find the root cause of all this misery inside of me.

Allow me to unload my thoughts on you so you can sift through the muck and run around in the labyrinth that is my head and make sense of everything.

Is it just me and this weed or are you always this beautiful?

Will you lay beside me tonight? I don’t want to be alone in the dark with my thoughts. Not tonight.

Hold me through the night, help me rest my body. Maybe with you by my side I can finally sleep, I can finally dream. I can forget all that’s bearing me down just for one night.

You sit there quietly and listen to all my crazy ramblings. From where I sit, your halo is blinding me.

You spread your wings, take me into your arms and we fly up into the starry sky. We fly higher and higher. We are so high up I feel larger than life and my troubles become nonexistent.

Six words to describe me.

Last week we had a Press Week at my school. It was epic! It was basically a chance for media students to interact with media professionals and learn how to put our theory to practice.

Anyway, there was this speaker, Dan Mule, from Nation Media Group who addressed the topic of personal branding.

There were five steps to creating your personal brand and the fifth one was: six words to describe you.

What six words would you use to describe yourself? What six words would your friends describe you with? I was very curious so first thing I did when I got home was to ask my two close friends and the person who knows me best; me.

Lets get to it.

Maddo went first.

1. Cautious.

I am extremely cautious in everything I do but most especially, in what I say. I think before saying anything; everything that comes out of my mouth is filtered.

This annoys her so much😂😂 because it makes it impossible to know exactly what I think. I hold myself back from saying what I really feel for fear of hurting someone’s feelings. I agree😅

2. Neat.

I am a neat freak. I love my things(and others’) to be orderly.

It’s like a curse😂

3. Private.

I am very private about my affairs. I withhold so much information about myself or my life when my friends are busy opening up about theirs.

I am just a very reserved person💁 I am working on opening up more though.

4. (Hater of conflict).

I couldn’t find a proper adjective to describe this. I absolutely hate conflict and avoid it at all costs.

Even an arguement on the smallest of things drains all my energy and happiness. It’s as if my soul is being drained.

Maybe that’s why I’m cautious with my words? To avoid conflicts? Psychoanalysis anyone?

5. Smart.

(I literally aaawed at this one.)

I am very intelligent. Among the most intelligent people she knows😂 I am very humble by the way😅

6. Planner.

I plan for everything. I have a list of goals and stategies and steps to follow joted down on my various notebooks😂

I thrive on planning for anything. It gives me a clear vision of where I’m headed. Also gives me a sense of control. I am kind of a control freak😅

Stacia went next.

1. Self-critic.

I criticize myself too much. I see faults in myself others cannot even see. I am too hard on myself.

I totally agree. I am my biggest critic. I’ll criticize my body, my art, my social skills, basically anything about me. The thing is, especially with my art, I have so much more potential to do better and I push myself to reach that potential ,too hard at times.

2. Neat.

If it appears more than twice, I’m winning at it😊 unless it’s a negative.

3. (Phone addict.)

I am always on my phone. When I wake up, it’s the first thing I’ll look at.


90% of the time, I’m reading an e-book or writing something on my phone or running around wikipedia or having a really interesting conversation or passing through social media. The other 10% I spend going through my gallery or staring at my wallpaper so I look like I’m busy when in actual sense, I’m avoiding something or someone😅 This is clearly a problem.

4. Mindful.

I am always thinking of other people. How are they feeling? What do they need? How will they feel if I say this?(hence the cautious words maybe?)

I do think of other people a lot and sometimes forget myself. I am learning to put myself first these days and still mind everyone else around me.

5. Knowledgeable.

I know so many things about almost everything. I almost know every song, every movie that was ever made, almost every science related thing….you get the gist? My general knowledge is on another level🙈

I am still very humble😅

I think she was calling me a nerd polietly. Thanks babe☺

Ps: If you’re looking for a nerd for your game night, contact me. Take my friend’s word for it.

6. (Talented singer.)

I can really sing. Like really sing. But I don’t show my talent.

Okay, I love singing. It’s great therapy to be honest but again, I have the potential to be better. I’m not ready to push myself that hard to be better at it. At least not now. I’m currently focusing on other things.

I was the last one.

1. Indecisive.

This is one of my biggest flaws. I simply cannot decide what I want sometimes. It’s frustrating but I am a work in progress😃

2. Passionate.

I put my heart and soul into things and people and causes I love and care about. I always go hard for them.

3. Humanitarian.

I believe in the power of humanity and our capacity to love and actually change the world. Of course humanity can disappoint you and you lose faith in them sometimes but I try to be the love I want to see in the world.

4. Inconsistent.

If you read my blog, you know my struggles😂

I am really working hard to follow through with things I decide to do.

5. Mindful.


6. Peaceful.

The fact that I hate conflict makes me a propagator of peace. I like to maintain peace wherever I am.

I am also calm and quiet unless you disrespect me and try to take away my rights and freedoms, then we’ll have a problem.

I guess that’s where I draw the line and get involved in conflict. It will tear me apart but my dignity as a human being is far more important.

This excersise was such an eye opener. Somethings I never even realised about myself till my friends pointed them out. You guys should try it out with your friends and see how it goes.

But first, give me one word to describe yourself in the comments. Any word you feel like😃

Special thanks to my rommates Maddo and Stacia – my country 21 people😂

The talk.

Adulting is hard. It’s even harder when you have no idea whatsoever what you’re doing or where you’re going. That’s why we need mentors and role models and parents. To guide us and show us which way has better lighting so we don’t stumble blindly in the dark.

One thing I wish I was given good and sufficient advice on is relationships and sex. Yes, I said sex.

Disclaimer: I am about to make some people very uncomfortable. Quit now or be traumatised for the rest of the day or maybe week? I don’t know.

Now that the people who get uncomfortable even on the mention of the word sex have left the class, back benchers kujeni mbele. Settle down, settle down. Maddo I see you, thanks for attending☺

As I was saying, I wish my parents had given me a better talk on sex education and relationships in general. But you know African parents, right? They will avoid talking about it for as long as they can(yaani you can be turning 40 and they never talked to you about it and they sleep like babies at night, without an ounce of guilt in them.)

My parents never sat me down to give me the talk. They knew I was getting plenty of the knowledge from school because I came home with notes and pamphlets and stories about what we were taught at school. Back then, most public schools had a Peer educator programme where a bunch of us were selected to go learn sex ed then we’d come back and teach our peers. I was a peer educator so I was full of knowledge.

But teachers at school will teach you like teachers do- in a classroom, with chalk, charts and a little intimidation.
We needed our folks to fill in some gaps for us.

But African parents are so skilled in dodging awkward conversations with their children. My friend was telling me about how her parents gave her the knowledge. Her mum would leave a book like “Questions Adolescents Ask” on the sittingroom table where everyone could see it and they, being curious kids, would pick it up and devour its content. Their dad would tell them a story and go round and round the point until finally, the story would end and they would it would my friend and her siblings a long time before they realised the main message in the story.

My parents were almost the same. When I first had my periods, my mum handed me a packet of pads, a smile and one awkward sentence, “Now that you’ve become a woman, don’t play with boys.” Lol😂😂 This haunts me even in my sleep. I feel like she should have given me more, no matter how awkward it would have gotten, instead of assuming I already knew.

The fact that they approached this subject which so much secrecy and shyness and aggression (my dad would chase away any boy he saw me talking to past 7 O’clock with a rungu and threats like ,”nikikuona hapa tena nitakukata miguu”. Yeah, his plan was for me to be perpetually single for the rest of my life) only made us more curious to find out why.

See our generation now.
We are so permissive about relationships and sex. We have made relationships and sex to be such a casual thing. Random hookups with random people we meet, two week relationships, general failure in relationships because of the smallest things that can be worked out but we are just unwilling and so many more.

If our parents(or should I say some because some parents are like superheroes in this department) had approached this subject in a more serious way, would we have a different perspective on sex and relationships in general? Maybe.
Maybe we would talk relationships seriously (and some of us actually do, bless you guys😂). Maybe we would see sex as something sacred we share with people we love and value and actually remember their names the next morning (again, some of us do, y’all the real MVPs😂💪).

Let’s not put all the blame on African parents though. We, as a generation, have failed ourselves as well. Every generation has its fair share of shortcomings and so do we. And our generation will also play a part in shaping the next generation’s perceptions about many things. Let’s not fail them.

In the mean time, can we agree to be sensible? Our parents may not have tackled this sex ed issue in the best way possible but, we still got knowledge. We live in the age of information. Let’s get informed, make good decisions and stay safe. We owe ourselves that.

Did your parents give you a proper talk? Let me know in the comments😃

A doctor, a Sunday night and a very random story.

If this isn't me😂

I hate hospitals. I hate pills. I hate(I’m terrified of) injections😭 I like funny doctors though, like actual funny ones who make you laugh and forget you’re nervous and terrified that he’ll give you an injection on the butt and make you cry like a little girl.

Doctors who don’t even try to be funny. They do it effortlessy (also, they probably do stand up comedy in a dingy bar on Sunday nights and draw out a big crowd of people in their forties going through mid-life crises). Those are my favourite kind of doctors.

Lately I’ve been falling ill often. Bacteria and viruses just won’t let me rest. So I’m sitting in the waiting room of my school Health Unit on a Sunday night waiting for the doctor.

Mosquitoes too aren’t letting me rest. They’re feasting on my legs😢

I’m hoping this doctor is one of them. He just walked in and he has a potbelly and a mustache. That’s a good sign, right? I think that kitambi backs up my theory of him going to dingy bars on Sunday nights. He looks like a beer guy. Beer guys are funny, right?

He just called me in. But he pronunced my name as ‘Teiii” like tei for pombe. Yaani he’s in such a hurry to go out to that bar and meet his people that he sees my name as pombe.

He leaves me in his office for a moment. More mosquitoes. His stethoscope is on the table ptactically just begging me to pick it up and check my heartbeat but I decide not to because my reflexes are slow at the moment and he will definitely catch me. I’m not ready to explain myself out of a situation like that.

I was so tempted to ask him, “So, do you ever do stand up?” But I restrain myself. Let him take his time. Good comedy takes time. His office is so dull.

There’s a bible on his shelf. It looks sooo new and unopened. So he doesn’t read the Bible either? I was really looking forward to the ‘Moses jokes’😣

He gets back and diagnoses me. I have to go to the lab to get a blood test.

Aki this guy wasn’t funny😢 His kitambi and mustache are all hype and no show. His wife should make him go to the gym and shave that mustache. What a dissappointment!

Okay, honestly, I am scared. Bloodtests equal injections. The guy who is taking my blood is flirting with me or trying to. What’s wrong with him??? I am sick and nervous and he wants to know why he never sees me around? First of all, just cut to the chase and take my blood. Second, he was probably making small talk, which I still hate, because I looked terrified.

He takes my blood, I wince a little then I wait for a while for the results. He sends me back to the doctor.

“So whats wrong with me doc?”

“Malaria.” Thats all he says, no mosquito jokes, no nothing. He prescribes me pills to pick up at the pharmacy.

I can’t hold it in anymore, I have to ask him.

“So, are you a beer guy?”

“Excuse me?”

“Is beer your prefered drink?”

He looks at me skeptically, laughs and says yes.

Great. There is still hope for him. Maybe he is going through a comedian’s block. You know? Like a writer’s block for comedians. I totally made that up. A dryspell. Did I just say that?😂😂😂