Don’t get too comfortable.

This image is just too deep for words

You need to learn to not get too comfortable. Life is dynamic and when change comes along, we need to also move along lest we get left behind – Tess ♛

That’s a new saying I conjured up lately. It’s going into the book ,”Tess’ Wise Sayings.”

I’m not feeling wise though at the moment because I am stubborn. I am a stubborn girl and two things keep me back:

  1. Change scares me.
  2. My comfort zone is just oh so comfy, gosh!

    Change is a major thing for a human being. It happens so often in our lives. Slowly or in the blink of an eye. It’s either a good change or a bad change but it is inevitable.

    It’s always scared me from the time I was a kid. I would come home from school, when I was 5 or 6, to find my mum moved my stuff from where I usually kept them and I would panic (I’ve been a drama queen since forever,lol). 

    I think it’s the whole process of getting used to something new that bothers me. The readjustment process. It’s worse if the change is going to be a bad one because nobody wants to go from good to bad. Everyone wants a good change, if any at all.

    I just get very comfortable and want things to stay that way for as long as possible. I mean my comfort zone has a warm bed, free WiFi, avodacos….you know? It’s hard to leave it.

    But you can’t live life like that because life is dynamic and it is meant to be progressive.

    I realized that lately (because I’m growing old and being hit with so many epiphanies, lol) after a big change came my way. I learned that you should not get too comfortable in a particular situation in life because it will be hard to move on when the situation changes.

    This is so hard to do when your life situation is awesome! To not get comfortable at your happiest moment? How do you even do that? It seems easier when your life situation is shitty. 

    But we have to try.

    We have to try because when life throws a change your way, you have to get a move on. 

    So go on now, move along hunny.

    PS: My theory is, the comfort zone is a trap! Yeap. It’s a manmade trap that lures us in with awesome things like warm beds and WiFi and avocados and we need to open our eyes people! It’s a conspiracy that should be exposed and I am glad to be the one to do it because it’s about time we broke free from the shackles of the comfort zone. Stay woke guys✊  (I’m a conspiracy theorist by night, oddball by day😾).

    Advertisements

    The Crowd.

    I remember when I was younger, during Easter ,when we would watch The Passion of Christ movies at home or in Sunday school. I had so many questions to ask my folks. Like :

    • Were there no black people during Jesus’s time? My dad told me that Jesus was a Jew in Israel. No Africans in Israel at that time. Okay. Understandable.
    •  Jesus was the son of God, he was super powerful right? Why didn’t he just kill everyone who opposed him? My mum told me that that wasn’t how it was supposed to work. Jesus was humble. He was to make people believe in him without forcing them. I didn’t get this at all. I would have killed them 😒 I was only six after all.
    • Then dad, why didn’t people defend Jesus when he was being accused of blasphemy yet they saw and believed in his miracles? My dad said it was part of the prophecy. I didn’t get it.

    I have since come to understand things. But it is still puzzling. When Jesus was before Pilate and the people were asked what should be done to him, the crowd shouted for him to be crucified. The same people who called him teacher and followed him around to hear his teachings and see his miracles.

    Perhaps a few of their cries to defend him were swallowed by those saying he should be crucified. Perhaps. But it doesn’t change the fact that they turned on him. His friends, his disciples. Judas, Peter, the crowd. They turned on him when he needed them the most.( of course it had to happen to fulfill the prophecy but if Jesus were an ordinary human being, he would have needed his friends.)

    This was what the priest taught during sermon for Palm Sunday yesterday. He meant us to apply it to our real lives in preparation for Easter. That crowd, those friends, the people we think are really down for us, would they still stick around for us when things get rough? When shit gets real and hits the fan, will they run and hide or cover their noses and still stick by us?

    Apparently, only John stuck by Jesus till the end (if he ran and hid, it is not recorded in the good book). He was always Jesus’s favourite. Jesus must have known that John was down for him one hundred percent. Do you have that one or a couple people like John? Those are the ones you should be aware of in your life. Pin point them and stick with them. Not everyone in the crowd will be down for you when the time comes. If you do find yourself in the crowd, do dare to stand out and be different. You never know who might follow.

    Have a great week ahead☺

    With Victor.

    I was feeling restless on Sunday night so I stepped out for some air. It was one of those chilly Eldoret nights with no clouds and plenty stars to stare at. I love these nights. They bring out the weirdo in me, like a full moon does a werewolf. So I took my weird self for a walk outside.

    Victor saw me as I was leaving the compound and he followed me outside. We stood right outside the gate, along the murram road. Trees were rustling in the wind. It was slightly dark outside and all I could see were vague silhouettes of people passing by. Even on a Sunday night people are rushing up and down.

    Victor and I just stood there staring at these busy humans. I was wearing this long pale green jacket I usually sleep in. I could only imagine how I looked in the dark. Awkward, suspicious maybe. This elderly woman with a flashlight passed me and slowed down to look at Victor and I. She was so close I could smell her. She smelled like chapatis. Seriously. She is probably one of those people who cook chapatis on Sundays. I know these people exist because my mum was not one of them. She would make us eat ugali and murenda on Sunday as my neighbors cooked chapos. Anyways, she shone her flashlight at me, then Victor, then walked away mumbling incoherent things. I giggled and looked at Victor. He looked at me and seemed to shrug. We probably had the same thought about that lady. 

    I was wearing my glasses so the night looked as clear as day. Victor saw it before I did so he signaled me. “A bird? No, birds aren’t nocturnal.” It was a bat! Blind, winged, fanged mammal, known to be a carrier of rabies. It was flying my way. I couldn’t move. Not out of fright, just out of laziness. I didn’t want to move and disrupt the sense of oneness with the earth I had cultivated but eventually I ducked right at the last minute. Victor gave me a look that said,”SMH.”

    More people pass and stare. All sorts of silhouettes of people. I swear I saw a man smoking a pipe pass by. Then this man who was going down the murram road stopped in his tracks and stared at us for close to 5minutes. We practically eyeballed each other. Then he started walking towards us. I couldn’t move again. This time out of fright and realization. I should have known a night like that brought out weirdos far worse than me. Crazies, psychos,…..serial killers  o_O  And my companion is a passive aggressive K9.

    “The two of you paint quite a picture. The dark background, the stary sky. You could fill a canvas,” he said as he walked towards us.

    Victor was on edge. He stood up and got ready for whatever was to happen next. 

    “Um, thank you. I didn’t realize,” I said, trying to conceal my fright.

    “What’s his name?”

    “Victor.”

    “It suits him,” he said and walked away. I think even Victor breathed a sigh of relief. 

    I thought it was high time I went back inside. Victor looked like he wasn’t ready to go. As I walked back inside, I looked back at Victor. He was staring up the road at something. He set off at a trot and all I saw was his chopped tail, like a bunny’s, disappear into the darkness.

    I shut the gate and walked towards the house, thinking of the strange man and what he said about Victor and I. He is probably an artist. 

    We did make quite the picture , a girl and a dog standing in the darkness.

    Ps: Happy birthday to Muthoni Maina♥ Lol( yaani Lots of love) brother,ha♥

    Random Monday Musings.

    Monday. The weekend hangover. A new beginning. Another long tough week. Routine or maybe not. Depends on the person in question.

    I have never been a ‘monday hater’. I take it in stride and deal.  It’s not Monday’s fault he was made Monday ,you know? It’s like being born a boy or a girl. Monday does the same, he takes it in stride and deals.

    I think by now you’ve realized that this post is going nowhere. It’s absolutely random, I’m literally cooking mandazis with my mum as I write. The weekend has been rough, it came with The Common Cold and other works of biology so, my muse for blogging went on leave.

    To the actual point.

    My alterior motives for this post. You see that place down there after you’ve finished reading? That place after the comments (I think), where there is a box that says  subscribe?  Through email or follow? Won’t you be a darling today and press that button? ☺☺☺

    Subscribe and get my posts via email.

    Well that’s all for today. Take it easy on Monday ,won’t you? It’s not his fault☺

    xoxo♥

    Uploading…

    7/9/2016.

    ….And why not have fun in the process of it all? Life is short so enjoy every moment of it ☺ Make awesome memories, with awesome people! Have major fun. Live life to the fullest everyday. Be fearless. Fear is just an illusion conjured up by our subconscious to slow us down from reaching our dreams or deter us from trying to achieve them completely. Just live life, love fiercely, laugh endlessly ✌….

    This is an excerpt from my journal (yes I have a journal) dated September 7th, 2016.

    Sometimes I read through what I wrote ages ago in my journals. I laugh at myself. I can be naïve at times. I marvel at what I write. Damn I can be quite something. I get disappointed in myself. Some things I never do or I try to do and quit halfway.

    Everyday I realize just how short life is and how fleeting youth is and how time flies. Soon I’ll be 21. Just the other day I was 16! It’s like I blinked once and had an ID. Twice and I was of drinking age. Next time I’ll have kids, woi!  o_O

    I have a long list of fears. My greatest fears aren’t physical, just psychological. At the moment, as I write this post, my greatest fear is going through life without making any meaningful connections. Connections with people, connections of the soul. Those are the things I live for. Meeting people I connect with deeply, my tribe.

    In my search of this tribe, I get lost and lose sight of other things. I forget to live life, have fun and make memories. It consumes me sometimes. 

    But I always get found and get back to living in the moment. That’s my favorite part about this journey called life; getting lost, finding yourself and getting found.

    HAMARTIA.
    Hamartia is a fatal flaw. 

    A great error in human beings. A great flaw in our judgment that will eventually lead to our downfall. It  leads to a tragic, if not a fatal, end.

    You see as humans, we are born flawed already. Our faults are hereditary and date back to the beginning of time. We evolved with them. We are them, they are us. The only thing we did about this was make a choice. Chose whether or not to let these flaws control us, define us. We chose whether or not these flaws will be fatal or lead to tragedy. We still choose everyday.

    In J.K Rowlling’s Harry Potter, Harry is willing to sacrifice himself for the ones he loves. Noble but dangerous. In Greek mythology, greek hero Achilles has great hubris. His pride leads to his downfall. We can go on and on with them ,the list is endless.

     These great heroes with great destinies but deterred by their own human flaws from walking that straight path, don’t they represent us? We are, after all, the heroes of our own stories, aren’t we?

    *This is an excerpt from #TheFaultinourStars by John Green❤ (to say I am obsessed with this book would be an understatement.) *

    Then Augustus Waters reached into a pocket

    and pulled out, of all things, a pack of cigarettes. He flipped it open and put a cigarette between his lips.

    “Are you serious?” I asked. “You think that’s cool? Oh, my God, you just ruined the whole thing.”

    “Which whole thing?” he asked, turning to me. The cigarette dangled unlit from the unsmiling corner of his mouth.

    “The whole thing where a boy who is not unattractive or unintelligent or seemingly in any way unacceptable stares at me and points out

    incorrect uses of literality and compares me to actresses and asks me to watch a movie at his house. But of course there is always a hamartia

    and yours is that oh, my God, even though you HAD FREAKING CANCER you give money to a company in exchange for the chance to acquire

    YET MORE CANCER. Oh, my God. Let me just assure you that not being able to breathe? SUCKS. Totally disappointing. Totally.”

    “A hamartia?” he asked, the cigarette still in his mouth. It tightened his jaw. He had a hell of a jawline, unfortunately.

    “A fatal flaw,” I explained, turning away from him. I stepped toward the curb, leaving Augustus Waters behind me, and then I heard a

    car start down the street. It was Mom. She’d been waiting for me to, like, make friends or whatever.

    I felt this weird mix of disappointment and anger welling up inside of me. I don’t even know what the feeling was, really, just that there

    was a lot of it, and I wanted to smack Augustus Waters and also replace my lungs with lungs that didn’t suck at being lungs. I was standing

    with my Chuck Taylors on the very edge of the curb, the oxygen tank ball-and-chaining in the cart by my side, and right as my mom pulled

    up, I felt a hand grab mine.

    I yanked my hand free but turned back to him.

    “They don’t kill you unless you light them,” he said as Mom arrived at the curb. “And I’ve never lit one. It’s a metaphor, see: You put the

    killing thing right between your teeth, but you don’t give it the power to do its killing.”

    “It’s a metaphor,” I said, dubious. Mom was just idling.

    “It’s a metaphor,” he said.

    “You choose your behaviors based on their metaphorical resonances . . .” I said.

    “Oh, yes.” He smiled. The big, goofy, real smile. “I’m a big believer in metaphor, Hazel Grace.

    One’s hamartia could be anything. Vice or virtue, good or bad. Anything can be used against you. The key is to know your fatal flaw then control it. Also, keeping it under wraps so that people who want to see you fail don’t use it against you. That way you will not set yourself up for a downfall. 

    I know mine. Controlling it is what I’m working on. It may take some time. Meantime, I’ll be here reading #TFIOS for the millionth time. Nice weekend peeps✌


    A WARMISH WELCOME.

    So I traveled during the weekend to Eldoret to see my mum. She is Eldoret folk officially. Has been since 2015 when she moved here for real to focus on her. Her career, her peace of mind #mumgoals ❤ This place is like second home. Yaani ni shagz. My parents will probably retire here. We’ll be bringing our grandkids to see shosh here, my siblings and I.

    I hated this place at first. When it’s cold, you’ll catch frostbite I swear. When it’s hot, it’s accompanied by dust. A blizzard. It just wasn’t Nairobi if you know what I mean. But then that’s why I came to love it. It’s so different. It has this perfect blend of urban and rural that just works for me. Long story short? I love it here.

    So far, I have gotten a nice welcome.

    Friday.

    I arrive in Eldoret town. I call my mum to come pick me up.

    “How many bags do you have?”

    “Two. A duffel bag and a bag pack.”

    “Kwani you’re moving here and you didn’t tell me?” (My greatest weakness in life, after sugar and cats, is packing. I ALWAYS over pack for any occasion.)

    “Mum hurry! It looks like it’s gonna rain. Staki nywele yangu inyeshewe.

    “Relax. It hasn’t rained here since end of January. I’ll be there in 5minutes.”  She got there after 45minutes. Glad it didn’t rain.

    We pop by her friend’s work to say hi(aka to show me off). African parents are professional ‘childrenshow offers‘. She introduces me to the friend. The friend is so shocked that my mum could have a grown up kid like me, she looks so young. 

    “Soon cows will be coming to your home ey?”

    “Haha you know it!”

    “My brother-in-law is her age. You know my husband’s family has many cows.”

    “Is he the one studying medicine? That one could work. What do you think Tess?” What do I think about a mock arranged marriage? Lord let it rain right now. Please open the heavens now!

    Saturday.

    Slept in till 10am. Jet lag probably,lol. Had the whole house to myself. Little sister went to school. Mum went to work. Due to certain circumstances, I was not feeling ‘peoplely’. I locked myself in and watched movies with earphones on.

    *knock knock

    “Hey Selina are you home?”

    *holds breathe and waits in silence for person to go away. I’m afraid if I even inhale, they’ll hear me and know I’m ignoring them and that is just rude. Better to let them think I’m asleep. Don’t judge me. I cannot be the only person who does this. Sometimes you just do not want to see people.

    Sunday.

    My mum sings in the church choir so she left early for practice. My sister and I had to follow her afterwards. Obviously we were late. I am a chronic late comer, always have been but this time it was not me. My sister was having a Diva Moment. She wouldn’t go to church if she didn’t find a suitable hairstyle. She found one. We were late anyway.

    After church we go to congratulate my mum(she has the highest soprano in that choir.) Now,  I’m usually not shy, just awkward, but the looks I was getting from people got me feeling suspicious. Did I have a wardrobe malfunction and these overly conservative church women  are afraid to tell me? (You’d be surprised how often this happens to me.)

    Mum breaks away from the choir to say hi. She’s beeming.

    “These women are unbelievable!”

    “What did they do?”

    “They can’t believe that I have an older daughter who is so beautiful!” I laugh dismissively but blush inwardly. Pssh these women are probably too drunk on the Holy Spirit, that’s what is happening.

    “They even recommended some of their handsome sons Tess.”

    So my gut was right! I was right to be suspicious. Where is the rain when you need it?

    Monday.

    This place is where I fell in love with running in the mornings(nothing to do with Kalenjins, everything to do with nature.) So  I was planning to go running you know? Start the week right!

    *alarm goes off at 6:30am

    Me : What? Is that cold? I can’t feel my toes, can’t feel my bum either. Let me sleep till 7am. I’ll go running then.

    I guess my demons followed me to Eldoret.