The talk.

Adulting is hard. It’s even harder when you have no idea whatsoever what you’re doing or where you’re going. That’s why we need mentors and role models and parents. To guide us and show us which way has better lighting so we don’t stumble blindly in the dark.

One thing I wish I was given good and sufficient advice on is relationships and sex. Yes, I said sex.

Disclaimer: I am about to make some people very uncomfortable. Quit now or be traumatised for the rest of the day or maybe week? I don’t know.

Now that the people who get uncomfortable even on the mention of the word sex have left the class, back benchers kujeni mbele. Settle down, settle down. Maddo I see you, thanks for attending☺

As I was saying, I wish my parents had given me a better talk on sex education and relationships in general. But you know African parents, right? They will avoid talking about it for as long as they can(yaani you can be turning 40 and they never talked to you about it and they sleep like babies at night, without an ounce of guilt in them.)

My parents never sat me down to give me the talk. They knew I was getting plenty of the knowledge from school because I came home with notes and pamphlets and stories about what we were taught at school. Back then, most public schools had a Peer educator programme where a bunch of us were selected to go learn sex ed then we’d come back and teach our peers. I was a peer educator so I was full of knowledge.

But teachers at school will teach you like teachers do- in a classroom, with chalk, charts and a little intimidation.
We needed our folks to fill in some gaps for us.

But African parents are so skilled in dodging awkward conversations with their children. My friend was telling me about how her parents gave her the knowledge. Her mum would leave a book like “Questions Adolescents Ask” on the sittingroom table where everyone could see it and they, being curious kids, would pick it up and devour its content. Their dad would tell them a story and go round and round the point until finally, the story would end and they would it would my friend and her siblings a long time before they realised the main message in the story.

My parents were almost the same. When I first had my periods, my mum handed me a packet of pads, a smile and one awkward sentence, “Now that you’ve become a woman, don’t play with boys.” Lol😂😂 This haunts me even in my sleep. I feel like she should have given me more, no matter how awkward it would have gotten, instead of assuming I already knew.

The fact that they approached this subject which so much secrecy and shyness and aggression (my dad would chase away any boy he saw me talking to past 7 O’clock with a rungu and threats like ,”nikikuona hapa tena nitakukata miguu”. Yeah, his plan was for me to be perpetually single for the rest of my life) only made us more curious to find out why.

See our generation now.
We are so permissive about relationships and sex. We have made relationships and sex to be such a casual thing. Random hookups with random people we meet, two week relationships, general failure in relationships because of the smallest things that can be worked out but we are just unwilling and so many more.

If our parents(or should I say some because some parents are like superheroes in this department) had approached this subject in a more serious way, would we have a different perspective on sex and relationships in general? Maybe.
Maybe we would talk relationships seriously (and some of us actually do, bless you guys😂). Maybe we would see sex as something sacred we share with people we love and value and actually remember their names the next morning (again, some of us do, y’all the real MVPs😂💪).

Let’s not put all the blame on African parents though. We, as a generation, have failed ourselves as well. Every generation has its fair share of shortcomings and so do we. And our generation will also play a part in shaping the next generation’s perceptions about many things. Let’s not fail them.

In the mean time, can we agree to be sensible? Our parents may not have tackled this sex ed issue in the best way possible but, we still got knowledge. We live in the age of information. Let’s get informed, make good decisions and stay safe. We owe ourselves that.

Did your parents give you a proper talk? Let me know in the comments😃



This week has been an eye opener for me. I realized that I’m a grown up now. This adulting reality is finally dawning. I had applied for this internship and got called in for an interview. It’s reached a point where I’m now job searching. Does it get anymore adult than that?

Anyways ,in this day and age, you cannot not be on social media. Especially us, the Y generation also known as The millennial generation. 

*Millennials – the generation of people born between 1983 to 1997.

We are said to be many things; selfish, entitled, other negative traits attributed to the fact that we were born in the age of technology. In other words, we do not know a life before technology.

Now I’ll admit that technology has ruined us in a way,as explained in my post –  #JohnLennon .It gets as bad as being addicted to technology, especially social media. This, unfortunately, is a turn off to many potential employers. No employer wants to hire someone who keeps checking their social media every other second (unless they’ve hired you to do exactly that.)

During my interview, they asked me a simple question : are you active on social media?

Of course I am. No question about it. I’m just not as active as I should be, with a following that I ought to have. You see, I am a terribly passive person at times. Hence my social media game is in shambles. So you can only imagine what I felt when they asked me for my  social media handles. I thought to myself : Selina, that’s the end of the road for you. 

I let my weakness and my comfort zone get in the way of a potential job opportunity. 

Social media is a big deal in finding employment these days. Having an online presence that is so amazing it screams Best Job Candidate, will land you a job. That is the first impression you want your potential employer to get when they Google you.

  • Get on LinkedIn and create a profile. Never heard of it? Stop playing yourself!
  • Keep your Facebook professional. That doesn’t mean you go all serious,just make it public friendly if you know what I mean. Remember,the internent never forgets.
  • Get tweeting. Twitter is a good place to keep up with the trends.
  • Post meaningful things on Instagram that showcase your personality.

Don’t just be on social media, be good at it. Ace it! Be aggressive about it. Get serious with it. Trust me, no matter what career you’re in or pursuing, make sure your social media game is above average. Social media is,has and will continue  revolutionizing the job industry so you’ll never know what an employer is looking for in you.

I came out of that interview with a new resolve; to revamp my social media. So far? I’m hopeful that I can make it happen. I hope you can make it happen for you too.

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