Flirting 101. 

People who can’t take hints are sad honestly.

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(How to flirt according to a girl who rarely flirts and probably does it awkwardly when she does.)

Long post ahead..

Ah, flirting. The subtle but sometimes obvious art of trying to impress the object of your attraction (that is, according to me).

I was recently in a ‘flirting situation’ that got me really frustrated because it was so wrong. Infact, it got me so angry I blocked this person of interest (P.O.I). This was not the first time someone flirted wrong with me, it happens often. I do it wrong too sometimes.

Flirting is fun, when done well and not too much because nobody likes a constant flirt.

We flirt using words, body language, facial expressions and so much more. In the case of our generation, we flirt through texts mostly. Simply put, flirting is kuingizana box or at least trying to.

This is how it should be done (according to me and my odd judgment):

  1. Body language. 

It’s important to involve body language while flirting with someone. (This means you’ll have to meet face to face by the way so shy people๐Ÿ˜‚ master a little courage yeah?)

Use your hands and not in a creepy way. Groping๐Ÿ‘ is๐Ÿ‘ not๐Ÿ‘ flirting๐Ÿ‘ You will get arrested my friend. Just lightly place your hand on your P.O.I’s hand or other appropriate place when laughing, or offer to brush something of their face even if it’s imaginary. Just let them know you’re there and you notice them.

Also notice more subtle things like when a girl keeps touching her hair or yours (I’ve actually done that before ,lol).

Studies show that when a person is interested in you, their toes will automatically point towards you when they talk to you so keep a look out for toes too๐Ÿ˜ƒ

When I flirt, I use my hands as body language a lot and sometimes it backfires. Once a guy asked me outright, “why do you keep touching your hair?” I couldn’t reply, it was too embarrassing. I also touch them ‘accidentally’ when laughing and I’m a hugger so watch out.

You should also read negative body language as well. Sometimes people just don’t want to flirt with you and that’s okay. Don’t push it. Just walk away (and live to fight another day).

        2. Facial expressions.

I’m told that I have an intense stare. It’s mostly intense when I’m not wearing my glasses. The thing is, I like to read people. 

By maintaining eye contact with someone, I’m able to see their intentions, tell if they are lying, internalize how cute they actually are (lol) and tell what emotions they are currently feeling by reading their facial expressions.

You want your P.O.I to see that you are a cool, fun, happy person so keep your expressions like that. Smile honestly, laugh for goodness sake. Even if you don’t smile a lot or laugh often, you want to put your best foot forward here.

Don’t give off serial killer vibes please.

I also appreciate eye contact from my P.O.I.  I understand that I have a great dashboard but my eyes are on my face. If you keep avoiding my eye contact for too long, I’ll feel like you’re hiding something. Shy guys, what’s good?๐Ÿ˜‰

Though scientists discovered that men who don’t smile often appear more attractive than those who do (and I agree), what’s up with that?

I also have what scientists call a ‘resting bitch face’. Yes, it’s a real thing. Basically it means that my neutral facial expression appears like I’m angry or judging someone or I never ever smile or I could be a serial killer?

So when I’m flirting, I leave my ‘resting bitch face’ at home๐Ÿ˜Š

  3. Words.

This is where things get tricky. Words are very crucial when flirting. Be it in person, through texts or over a phone call, you have to use the right words. No pressure.

As a writer, I ace at words and unfortunately for my P.O.I, I expect great words. I’m talking great face to face conversations, great texting and not so awkward phone calls.

It’s such high expectations that see me get frustrated and block people mercilessly. 

You are trying to impress a millennial girl in the 21st century not the middle ages. If you tell me you are in love with me and you don’t even know my second name, best believe that I will block you, delete your number and change my route home to avoid bumping into you.

Don’t come off too strong. Be as subtle and cunning with your approach as possible.

Also, don’t text me in English if you can’t handle it. Kiswahili will do. Just be yourself and I will adjust my expectations so we can be on the same level (I know I sound like an asshole but I am very serious). Authenticity is key. Be you.

If you have to change the way you usually communicate in real life to flirt with someone then you are probably doing it wrong.

Be witty. Make your P.O.I  laugh and you are on the right track. Once, this guy followed me around for four days straight before I gave him my number. I walk really fast when I have to get somewhere so he just kept running beside me, talking endlessly and I found it annoying but funny.

 I just asked him, “why do you keep following me?” He laughed and said he wanted to get my number.

Another guy found me in a queue for chapatis in our estate (on election day, when all shops were closed) and he queued behind me. Then he asks, “Hii ni line ya nini?” I tell him it’s for chapatis and look at him like he’s crazy. So he says to me, “oooh, nilikuona tu nikakufuata and I didn’t know why we were queueing.”  He actually had a loaf bread in his hand. I laughed too much than I probably should have.
So with all these rules and expectations in our generation today, flirting seems so hard and complicated and if you are socially awkward (like me, believe it or not), it can sound like rocket science.

But it is an art and like an artist, one has to keep practicing to perfect their art. Of course some people are born naturals (who are these creatures though?) while some of us have to work real hard at it.

A great flirting technique can score you a number or better, a date. So it’s actually kind of a big deal. You do not want to flirt the wrong way. 

I am not an expert but I find that some of these tips always work.

I hope the guy I blocked doesn’t read my blog. If you do, please don’t think I’m a monster. An asshole maybe. And please don’t sue me, gosh! I can’t afford a lawyer yet, give me 5 years from now.

To my potential P.O.Is , if you were reading, I hope you were taking notes.

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โ€‹INTERNATIONAL WOMENS DAY.

I was born a lucky girl. I was born in an age full of  empowered women. I was born empowered.

I grew up beating boys in school and sometimes physically. In a highly patriachal society, that’s very empowering for a girl.

Especialy beating the odds and the stereotypes that girls from the hood never get to high school or college. They just get knocked up , get married or worse. 

I not only made it to highschool but a great one as a matter of fact.  And now in college. Beating boys, beating the odds, not conforming to stereotypes and breaking the system and shocking society. 

I was empowered through education and taught from a young age that I can do anything I put my mind to. My parents playing the biggest role here, telling me not to be intimidated by boys and a wide sea of empowered women out there to look up to. Brave women who are unafraid to claim their large portion of pie from a highly male populated high table. These are the women paving the way for the younger generation. Creating more space on that high table for more of us to come claim our portion of that delicious pie.

We have come a long way in the search for equality and rights that support us. We celebrate the women and men who helped us  get here and those making incredible milestones in the world. These brave, strong, smart, fearless, bold, beautiful, sexy, classy, kind, sweet and thoughtful women are who we celebrate today and every 8th of March.

We know these women ; our mothers, sisters, daughters, cousins, aunts, grandmothers, girlfriends, wives, collegues, leaders, neighbors, us. These women will help change the world and make it a better place one day.

Celebrate a woman todayโค

Happy International Women’s Day ladies and gents ๐Ÿ˜‰

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MILLENNIALS, SOCIAL MEDIA AND CAREERS.

This week has been an eye opener for me. I realized that I’m a grown up now. This adulting reality is finally dawning. I had applied for this internship and got called in for an interview. It’s reached a point where I’m now job searching. Does it get anymore adult than that?

Anyways ,in this day and age, you cannot not be on social media. Especially us, the Y generation also known as The millennial generation. 

*Millennials – the generation of people born between 1983 to 1997.

We are said to be many things; selfish, entitled, other negative traits attributed to the fact that we were born in the age of technology. In other words, we do not know a life before technology.

Now I’ll admit that technology has ruined us in a way,as explained in my post – http://wp.me/s6VeO2-343  #JohnLennon .It gets as bad as being addicted to technology, especially social media. This, unfortunately, is a turn off to many potential employers. No employer wants to hire someone who keeps checking their social media every other second (unless they’ve hired you to do exactly that.)

During my interview, they asked me a simple question : are you active on social media?

Of course I am. No question about it. I’m just not as active as I should be, with a following that I ought to have. You see, I am a terribly passive person at times. Hence my social media game is in shambles. So you can only imagine what I felt when they asked me for my  social media handles. I thought to myself : Selina, that’s the end of the road for you. 

I let my weakness and my comfort zone get in the way of a potential job opportunity. 

Social media is a big deal in finding employment these days. Having an online presence that is so amazing it screams Best Job Candidate, will land you a job. That is the first impression you want your potential employer to get when they Google you.

  • Get on LinkedIn and create a profile. Never heard of it? Stop playing yourself!
  • Keep your Facebook professional. That doesn’t mean you go all serious,just make it public friendly if you know what I mean. Remember,the internent never forgets.
  • Get tweeting. Twitter is a good place to keep up with the trends.
  • Post meaningful things on Instagram that showcase your personality.

Don’t just be on social media, be good at it. Ace it! Be aggressive about it. Get serious with it. Trust me, no matter what career you’re in or pursuing, make sure your social media game is above average. Social media is,has and will continue  revolutionizing the job industry so you’ll never know what an employer is looking for in you.

I came out of that interview with a new resolve; to revamp my social media. So far? I’m hopeful that I can make it happen. I hope you can make it happen for you too.

Connect with me:

I.G :Selina_Teyie

Twitter :SelinaTeyie

Facebook :Selina Teyie

Email: selinateyie@gmail.com

Leave me a comment after the article and let’s connect โ˜บ

โ€‹
IT’S A BEAUTIFUL LIFE!

Damn it is a beautiful day ๐Ÿ™‚

The sun is shining. Birds are chirping. Some not so cool gospel music is playing from my neighbour’s house but it’s cool. I’m not freting. I will sit here peacefully and medidate on how great life is. I will resist the urge of going over there and telling him to turn it down a little bit or offer him my prefered playlist instead because I don’t want to ruin his Sunday. 
And it would go terribly wrong because I swear my neighbours have got no chills and I have lowsy comebacks. It would probably go like this:

Me:Sasa neighbour? Si you punguza your music kiasi tu? I’m trying to medidate.

Him: You know I was trying to meditate yesterday but you had friends over? You made quite the rucus so don’t think I’ll reduce my volume for your happiness! If you can’t handle it funga maskio! 

Me: Aki sorry. Won’t happen tena. *Walks away feeling embarrased and knowing it will most definitely happen again- several times*

But I’ll endure the not so cool music and sit here in awe of life’s beauty. I will not ruin someone’s beautiful day.

Isin’t life grand? 

Don’t let little things rain on your happy parade. Life is too beautiful for that type of shit! Yes,I said it! It is too damn beautiful ๐Ÿ™‚

Have you had fun this weekend? I know I did. It was nice to have fun after a long time. Made me realise how much I was letting life pass me by. And it’s only one life. It’s not like we are getting any younger either ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Anyway,nilikuwa napitia tu! Wanted to say hi! ๐Ÿ™‚ My wordpress is misbehaving for some reason and school is taking up my time a looot. I’ll fix it soon. Otherwise,I hope you guys are feeling life the way I am. Swimming is God’s grace. Feeling love and feeling loved. Living for the moment ๐Ÿ™‚

Ps,who knows how to deal with WordPress properly? I need to install widgets but it isn’t happening ๐Ÿ˜ฆ Even pics are not uploading. I need to rebrand my blog. If you know a way to help me that is not complicated email me please @ selinateyie@gmail.com.

As for me?

 I’m on a rollercoaster that only goes up my friend ๐Ÿ™‚ -Augustus Waters,The Fault in our Stars.

Beautiful day beautiful people.           xoxoxo