(How to flirt according to a girl who rarely flirts and probably does it awkwardly when she does.)
Long post ahead..
Ah, flirting. The subtle but sometimes obvious art of trying to impress the object of your attraction (that is, according to me).
I was recently in a ‘flirting situation’ that got me really frustrated because it was so wrong. Infact, it got me so angry I blocked this person of interest (P.O.I). This was not the first time someone flirted wrong with me, it happens often. I do it wrong too sometimes.
Flirting is fun, when done well and not too much because nobody likes a constant flirt.
We flirt using words, body language, facial expressions and so much more. In the case of our generation, we flirt through texts mostly. Simply put, flirting is kuingizana box or at least trying to.
This is how it should be done (according to me and my odd judgment):
- Body language.
It’s important to involve body language while flirting with someone. (This means you’ll have to meet face to face by the way so shy people😂 master a little courage yeah?)
Use your hands and not in a creepy way. Groping👏 is👏 not👏 flirting👏 You will get arrested my friend. Just lightly place your hand on your P.O.I’s hand or other appropriate place when laughing, or offer to brush something of their face even if it’s imaginary. Just let them know you’re there and you notice them.
Also notice more subtle things like when a girl keeps touching her hair or yours (I’ve actually done that before ,lol).
Studies show that when a person is interested in you, their toes will automatically point towards you when they talk to you so keep a look out for toes too😃
When I flirt, I use my hands as body language a lot and sometimes it backfires. Once a guy asked me outright, “why do you keep touching your hair?” I couldn’t reply, it was too embarrassing. I also touch them ‘accidentally’ when laughing and I’m a hugger so watch out.
You should also read negative body language as well. Sometimes people just don’t want to flirt with you and that’s okay. Don’t push it. Just walk away (and live to fight another day).
2. Facial expressions.
I’m told that I have an intense stare. It’s mostly intense when I’m not wearing my glasses. The thing is, I like to read people.
By maintaining eye contact with someone, I’m able to see their intentions, tell if they are lying, internalize how cute they actually are (lol) and tell what emotions they are currently feeling by reading their facial expressions.
You want your P.O.I to see that you are a cool, fun, happy person so keep your expressions like that. Smile honestly, laugh for goodness sake. Even if you don’t smile a lot or laugh often, you want to put your best foot forward here.
Don’t give off serial killer vibes please.
I also appreciate eye contact from my P.O.I. I understand that I have a great dashboard but my eyes are on my face. If you keep avoiding my eye contact for too long, I’ll feel like you’re hiding something. Shy guys, what’s good?😉
Though scientists discovered that men who don’t smile often appear more attractive than those who do (and I agree), what’s up with that?
I also have what scientists call a ‘resting bitch face’. Yes, it’s a real thing. Basically it means that my neutral facial expression appears like I’m angry or judging someone or I never ever smile or I could be a serial killer?
So when I’m flirting, I leave my ‘resting bitch face’ at home😊
This is where things get tricky. Words are very crucial when flirting. Be it in person, through texts or over a phone call, you have to use the right words. No pressure.
As a writer, I ace at words and unfortunately for my P.O.I, I expect great words. I’m talking great face to face conversations, great texting and not so awkward phone calls.
It’s such high expectations that see me get frustrated and block people mercilessly.
You are trying to impress a millennial girl in the 21st century not the middle ages. If you tell me you are in love with me and you don’t even know my second name, best believe that I will block you, delete your number and change my route home to avoid bumping into you.
Don’t come off too strong. Be as subtle and cunning with your approach as possible.
Also, don’t text me in English if you can’t handle it. Kiswahili will do. Just be yourself and I will adjust my expectations so we can be on the same level (I know I sound like an asshole but I am very serious). Authenticity is key. Be you.
If you have to change the way you usually communicate in real life to flirt with someone then you are probably doing it wrong.
Be witty. Make your P.O.I laugh and you are on the right track. Once, this guy followed me around for four days straight before I gave him my number. I walk really fast when I have to get somewhere so he just kept running beside me, talking endlessly and I found it annoying but funny.
I just asked him, “why do you keep following me?” He laughed and said he wanted to get my number.
Another guy found me in a queue for chapatis in our estate (on election day, when all shops were closed) and he queued behind me. Then he asks, “Hii ni line ya nini?” I tell him it’s for chapatis and look at him like he’s crazy. So he says to me, “oooh, nilikuona tu nikakufuata and I didn’t know why we were queueing.” He actually had a loaf bread in his hand. I laughed too much than I probably should have.
So with all these rules and expectations in our generation today, flirting seems so hard and complicated and if you are socially awkward (like me, believe it or not), it can sound like rocket science.
But it is an art and like an artist, one has to keep practicing to perfect their art. Of course some people are born naturals (who are these creatures though?) while some of us have to work real hard at it.
A great flirting technique can score you a number or better, a date. So it’s actually kind of a big deal. You do not want to flirt the wrong way.
I am not an expert but I find that some of these tips always work.
I hope the guy I blocked doesn’t read my blog. If you do, please don’t think I’m a monster. An asshole maybe. And please don’t sue me, gosh! I can’t afford a lawyer yet, give me 5 years from now.
To my potential P.O.Is , if you were reading, I hope you were taking notes.