I hate hospitals. I hate pills. I hate(I’m terrified of) injections😭 I like funny doctors though, like actual funny ones who make you laugh and forget you’re nervous and terrified that he’ll give you an injection on the butt and make you cry like a little girl.
Doctors who don’t even try to be funny. They do it effortlessy (also, they probably do stand up comedy in a dingy bar on Sunday nights and draw out a big crowd of people in their forties going through mid-life crises). Those are my favourite kind of doctors.
Lately I’ve been falling ill often. Bacteria and viruses just won’t let me rest. So I’m sitting in the waiting room of my school Health Unit on a Sunday night waiting for the doctor.
Mosquitoes too aren’t letting me rest. They’re feasting on my legs😢
I’m hoping this doctor is one of them. He just walked in and he has a potbelly and a mustache. That’s a good sign, right? I think that kitambi backs up my theory of him going to dingy bars on Sunday nights. He looks like a beer guy. Beer guys are funny, right?
He just called me in. But he pronunced my name as ‘Teiii” like tei for pombe. Yaani he’s in such a hurry to go out to that bar and meet his people that he sees my name as pombe.
He leaves me in his office for a moment. More mosquitoes. His stethoscope is on the table ptactically just begging me to pick it up and check my heartbeat but I decide not to because my reflexes are slow at the moment and he will definitely catch me. I’m not ready to explain myself out of a situation like that.
I was so tempted to ask him, “So, do you ever do stand up?” But I restrain myself. Let him take his time. Good comedy takes time. His office is so dull.
There’s a bible on his shelf. It looks sooo new and unopened. So he doesn’t read the Bible either? I was really looking forward to the ‘Moses jokes’😣
He gets back and diagnoses me. I have to go to the lab to get a blood test.
Aki this guy wasn’t funny😢 His kitambi and mustache are all hype and no show. His wife should make him go to the gym and shave that mustache. What a dissappointment!
Okay, honestly, I am scared. Bloodtests equal injections. The guy who is taking my blood is flirting with me or trying to. What’s wrong with him??? I am sick and nervous and he wants to know why he never sees me around? First of all, just cut to the chase and take my blood. Second, he was probably making small talk, which I still hate, because I looked terrified.
He takes my blood, I wince a little then I wait for a while for the results. He sends me back to the doctor.
“So whats wrong with me doc?”
“Malaria.” Thats all he says, no mosquito jokes, no nothing. He prescribes me pills to pick up at the pharmacy.
I can’t hold it in anymore, I have to ask him.
“So, are you a beer guy?”
“Is beer your prefered drink?”
He looks at me skeptically, laughs and says yes.
Great. There is still hope for him. Maybe he is going through a comedian’s block. You know? Like a writer’s block for comedians. I totally made that up. A dryspell. Did I just say that?😂😂😂